Friday, March 13, 2009

First post.

Okay. So this is my first post...

My story is a long one. In short, I became anorexic when I was fourteen. I have been in and out of hospitals since I was 16, spending the majority of the last five years literally on my deathbed. Every time I was hospitalized, I came home only to promptly lose the weight I had fought so hard to gain. Between February and April of 2008, I was hospitalized for the last time. My insurance benefits had run out. I came home, and within six to eight weeks, I had lost all the weight I had gained, plus an additional 7 pounds. I was told there was no helping me, and all I could do was wait to die, or try to save myself on my own.
I chose to save myself.
It has been, and will continue to be, a long road. I'm on my way and nothing is stopping me. If I can come so close to death, and manage to bring myself up from there, I can do anything. If I can will myself to eat my 3,000 calories everyday, even when my eating disorder is screaming at me, I know I can succeed at anything else I may put my mind to.

I haven't any pictures at the moment, but I wish I did! My breakfast this morning was pretty awesome. Pumpkin-pie Kashi shredded wheat! I took half a cup canned pumpkin, mixed it with a tablespoon of honey, a teaspoon of cinnamon and some cottage cheese. Then after I heated it up, I stirred in a handful of almonds, dried cranberries and a cup of Kashi Autumn wheat cereal. To finish it off, I topped it with a good sprinkle of flaked coconut. Sooo good. Chewy, crunchy, and warm all the same time. I think the best thing about doing recovery on my own for the first time, is that I am finally learning to allow myself to enjoy what I'm eating. In inpatient, food was always my enemy - it was something forced on me that I never really had much choice over. Now though, I am able to learn what I like and don't like, and am even starting to figure out what it is that I want. Not just with food, but with my life in general. While the feeling of want still frightens me, on many levels, its nice to feel a sense of direction within myself.

5 comments:

  1. Yay Tori :-) So happy you started this.. can't wait to read more. You're on my blogroll xxxx

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  2. hi tori :) i followed your story on cc and i can relate to so much of your story. but i think you will become a great role mole and influence in the blogworld! im looking forward to reading your posts (and i love your eats!)

    hope you have a wonderful friday night! <3

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  3. hey there, tori. you don't know me, but i too have seen you on cc, while i don't post there myself. best wishes for your journey to health and happiness. looking forward to your next post(s).
    take care.

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  4. hi tori, welcome to the blogging world :) cant wait to read more, keep fighting girl! xx

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  5. Hey Tory. I posted on CC for a really long time but left a month or two after you started. So I'm not sure if you remember me. Anyway, I hope blogging helps you as much as it's helped me. You seem very positive and motivated to recover. Enjoy your Saturday!

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