That's right. I am unspeakably warm at the moment. I have been all day. ED tends to like me to be all covered up, so its a bit frustrating. "Tori, you can't wear shorts and a t-shirt! You have to wear your baggy sweat pants and sweatshirt! You can't let anyone see you!" But I am on fire. Literally, my veins are popping out *sorry for the gross visual*. Its forty degrees outside. I haven't felt like this since I was in inpatient. And that was when I went into hypermetabolism. ::squee:: I am now becoming anxious about the concept that I may very well have to up my calories again this week. Part of me likes the idea of gaining on a crazy amount of calories, but after three thousand it really does become slightly intimidating.
I came up with the most awesome bowl of oatbran this morning for breakfast. I so wish my camera was working so I could have taken a picture for you all. It was that good. Its definitly something I will be making again soon, so by then I will hopefully have gotten up my nerve to purchase myself a new camera.
On to my breakfast! I cooked 1/4 cup oatbran in water with 1 tablespoon each of cinnamon roll coffee creamer and honey, along with a teaspoon of cinnamon. Then I stirred in 1/4 cup of raisins and cottage cheese. Followed by a topping of 1/4 cup triple-berry granola and one and a half tablespoons of cinnamon raisin swirl peanut butter.
Thinking about it now - I'm almost in shock I ate such a thing. It was sooo good though. I broke two of ED's rules today actually. First and foremost - I have had more than a single two-tablespoon serving of peanut butter today. ED insists I can only have one serving of peanut butter a day, at most. Today though, I not only had in breakfast, I had a full-on peanut butter sandwich for lunch. And I enjoyed it. Also, ED always tells me I can't mix my starches. I did that today too, by mixing oatbran and granola (also quite yummy!) So, I feel pretty good about that for the most part.
It's been a weird day. There's just so much going on, but at the same time it feels like nothing is happening. I am constantly bombarded by boys and i feel like I don't know what to do with them. Some of them I like, some of them not so much. I like the attention, and I feel guilty for that. It also tends to fuel ED (See, you're fine - you don't need to gain a single pound) or it makes me self-conscious because a lot of guys have said to me "You have such a beautiful face, and you are such a beautiful person - you just need to gain X pounds and you'd be a knock out." Which then makes me feel awkward because I don't see what they see. And I admit, there was one boy who I had sort-of-kind-of started dating but wasn't in a commited relationship with...and he completely complicated the situation by trying to define us in his mind and now I really have no idea what we are, if anything at all. I'm usually rather clueless in this area. I never know that guys are interested in me unless they specifically state it to me. And then when they do, I feel overwhelmed. I don't express my feelings very well in spoken word - it'd be so much easier if everyone just wrote letters. Then I could communicate without glitch or error.
So! That's my little bit of drama. Hip-hip hooray.
I think I am going to go find my shorts now.
Why Can I Only Love the Broken?
2 months ago