I am at a loss for words at the moment.
Today was weigh day.
I have my period (yay for birth control)
I only gained a pound.
E.D. is super confused. You're eating three thousand calories a day! That's more than you used to eat in a whole month! What is wrong with you? That scale can't be right! Then my voice says ED you are wrong. I know I can trust the scale. You were wrong. You always lie to me. I need to increase my calories again if I'm going to meet my goal of being able to maintain my weight for a month before going back to school.
So today starts 3200 calories. Or thereabouts anyways. :sigh: I'm adding a glass of soymilk with strawberry syrup to dinner, and some dried fruit to my snack before bed. I think I am going to pick up some chocolate Silk today too, so I can switch between the two. I'm kind of scared of doing this - I really don't like adding calories at night. But I know its what I need to do - I really can't make breakfast or lunch any bigger as they are both already around 700-800 calories. And if I make my morning or afternoon snacks bigger, it will be harder to eat lunch and dinner. So liquid calories are going to have to be my friend for now, even if I really don't like them all that much.
Breakfast was good this morning. Cottage cheese with chopped figs and crunchy peanut butter. A bowl of Berries n Cherries muesli with an ounce of almonds and about half a cup of Bolthouse Farms Soy Vanilla Chai Latte protein shake, and a glass of plum juice. I really need to get higher calorie cereal so I won't have to add SO much to it. But my mom won't let me buy new stuff till I finish what I have. It kind of is frustrating, because she also gets mad at me for taking too long to get it all together. "Why do you have to add so much stuff? Its so complicated and it takes you too long! I have to make sure you eat before I go to work." And I stand there like "Well, if you'd let me buy a higher calorie cereal, instead of making me use up all this lower-calorie stuff I wouldn't have to add so much." I know that it all works out for me anyways, but its frustrating that she ges so annoyed with me for doing what she has wanted to me do all these years - eating enough to rebuild my body and sustain myself.
I'll update more later. Perhaps I'll even have worked up my confidence enough to buy myself a new camera this afternoon, and will be able to post pictures for all you lovelies.
The Ebb and Flow
3 months ago