Thursday, April 2, 2009

Better Day.

Today, the sun was shining and the air was warm. And I felt much, much better. Still some residual blah-feeling from yesterday, but for the most part today was good. I still can't thank you all enough for being so encouraging and supportive yesterday/today. It has been such a huge help, everyone's words comforted me and made me feel so much better. I don't know what I'd without you <3

Breakfast was a little bit new. Oatbran cooked in soy vanilla chai protein shake with sliced banana, raisins, almonds, and flaked coconut. Also had cottage cheese, toast, and juice on the side - but that's not so interesting.
After doing some dishes and writing some emails, I had my morning snack.

In the bowl: Fage 2%, dried figs, ground flax, trail mix, and cinnamon. Also had an apple juice. Now, this snack was actually a happy accident. I had planned on putting cinnamon into my cereal this morning, but was unable to initially locate it. And due to time contraints in the morning, I just omitted it. I know its a silly thing to feel like I absolutely had to make up the what? Five calories in a teaspoon? of cinnamon. But I know my ED - and five calories would easily become fitfy by the next day, and three hundred by the end of next week. So Fage with cinnamon it was! And it was quite good. Totally having it again.

Lunch: Dark Chocolate Dreams PB, cherry-berry preserves. cottage cheese with tomato,cucumber, bell peppers and green beans. Lunch dessert is unpictured as it was the same as yesterdays.
Lunch was a bit difficult today - my mom came home from work half an hour early because she had to go to some surprise job training. So we had to eat earlier. And I really wasn't hungry yet. But I did it.

Snack: Oikos Vanilla greek yogurt, ground flax, BearNaked granola, raisins.

Oikos Review: I was really excited about trying an organic yogurt - never really had anything organic before. It was really good! The vanilla flavor was nice and soft, and it still had that tartness yogurt is supposed to have. The yogurt itself was really lush and creamy, especially for something non-fat. I will definitly be using the rest of my coupons and getting this again. I don't know that I will buy it all the time, as it has the same calorie content as Chobani (which is about $2 cheaper)so there's no caloric advantage there but perhaps as an occasional treat to myself, I'll pick one or two up. I can't wait to try the honey flavor!

I just realized I don't think I've gone one day in the past several months without having almonds or honey, if not both. Not that its a bad thing. Just kinda interesting.

I went grocery shopping today. We were out of Fage and what not. There was literally ONE container of 2% left. Everything else was the non-fat. I was in shock. It goes to figure that the one time I wait till the very last minute to buy more stuff, the shelves are dry. >.< Oh well. More shopping adventures tomorrow.

Dinner was my old stand-by. Bulgur wheat with roasted red pepper hummus, olive oil, and greens. Faux-tuna salad (mixed with peas after photo), and a cup of broccoli-mixed veggies. Also had a glass of chocolate soymilk.

Dinner dessert:
Apple-cinnamon rice cake with a generous slab of nutella.

Nighttime snack: 5-grain hot cereal with brown sugar, cinnamon, caramel coffee creamer, chopped apple. topped with jam and cinnamon-raisin swirl peanut butter.

Its been a long day. Not a bad day, just long. A lot of time spent on the phone today. I'm starting to get really anxious with the phone thing. So many people keep calling me and I feel like I don't know what to do. Everyone wants, needs something from me. And I feel like I can't keep up and make sure everyone is happy. And that is frustrating. I've always felt like that was my job - it is what I'm good at. Making sure everyone is happy. And when I can't do that for people, I tend to take it out on myself. So when I have to say "No, I can't go out right now - I need to eat :::insert meal here:::" I feel so, so badly for letting whoever it was down and disappointing them. Even though I know I am taking care of myself, I feel like it is still more important for me to make other people happy first. I suppose that is something I still really need to work on. One thing at a time.


  1. Hey girl!

    I am sorry for your rant yesterday. But his is another day, time to move on. Hey, what's there to be sad about, you are definitely rocking it! Nice eats! You are totally brave for nutella, I still fear it,you know...but one bite at a time..I'll have it again one day.. ;)

    I undertand the pressure that other people are putting on you. I, myslef as a psychology student faces that crisis. My friends in other courses thinks that I know every solution to their issues because I study psychology. But the truth is, I also have my own personal issues, which are hard to conquer just by applying my academic training. If they only knew i have ED.....but, I am positive that thorugh practice, I could definitely make it!

    Yes sweetie, one thing at a time. Don't be too hard on yourself, Let them wait. You can't help others if you yourself is TORN. SO mend yourself first, and be ready to help others too. Go Tori!!!!

    XOXO, AUbrey ;)

  2. Right now you have to come first. We all tend to put ourselves and our needs on the backburner, but during recovery you've got to focus on you! Great job today, every little thing helps (like the cinnamon which is more symbolic than calorific!) All your eats look excellent. Yay for sunshine! Hope you have a great day tomorrow too.

  3. you there! how can i explain to you how much you help me with your comments?!
    i know it's quite normal...i just feel that everyone else is tired, but gets on with life being nice still. when i'm tired, i tend to be grumpy and everyone around me has to deal with the atmosphere.

    well, it seems your blog is aptly named, then!

    i wish i could do something like what you did in high school. it's just that i go to such a small school so they'd notice and then ask why i didn't want to eat with them...i don't know how i'd work it. i try to avoid anything to do with them when it comes to food, but there's a lot of situations that are unavoidable.

    so happy that you're feeling a bit better! well done with the cinnamon, too.
    hmm. while you might feel like it's your job, you have to put yourself first right now, in most situations. in the past, disregarding the need to take care of yourself has really hurt you. you don't need to feel bad for getting your life back. what would make a lot of people happy is seeing YOU happy. :) i know that you can't change the way you think in an instant, and that it'll take quite a while. but i believe in you. as you said, one thing at a time.

    thankyou again, so much ♥ i hope you have a good day.

  4. i'm just here to say that i think you're doing a really great job with your eaties girl :) i wish to be as strong as you are, believe me!

    keep going sweetie :)

    love <3

  5. lovely oats. i love coconut in my oat bran!
    have a great friday love. stay strong we can do this!

  6. Tori, you and i need to get together and go bowling. Today i had the realization that i spend way to much time trying to be perfect and immaculate and when im not then im way to hard on myself, im guessing you can relate. Just know (and im telling myself this too) that you are not perfect in everyway, but you know what you are an amazing artist, make awesome oats, and your probably funny as hell and i pretty much want to hang out with you,,, hence the bowling. Tell yourself that next time you feel that you may have 'failed' and know that at the end of the day the only person that matters is you.

  7. you take care of yourself, honey, before you take care of others. you must put yourself as your first responsibility, as no one else has responsibility over you.
    great job on the cinnamon! I like to sprinkle cinnamon on everything! and it sure makes yogurt tastes a whole lot better, doesn't it?