Sunday, April 12, 2009


FRIENDS… comes with the following description to be added & passed along: “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated.” It also says : “Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

Lovely Jemima gave me this award *blushes* and totally made my evening a bit more sunshiney (its been raining all day!) I admit - I am inherently computer-illiterate so I couldn't figure out how to copy up the proper award-button to post. But I think I found a suitable replacement, no? I wish I could give this award to everyone - you are all so amazing and inspiring to me. But the rules say only eight. And so, the eight bloggers I am passing this onto (in no particular order!) are:
Erin,Laura,Natalia, Nell,Kiki,Maya, Eliza, and Stef

So about today. Today was a pretty good day - faced a few challenges in my meals but I did it and I feel good about it all. Its becoming really liberating. On days like today, I feel like I am separating myself more and more from my eating disorder, and it doesn't seem overwhelming or frightening - more inviting and exciting than anything. I don't know how long the feeling will last, but I am going to appreciate it while I have it.

Breakfast: Multigrain hot cereal, Bolthouse Farms Vanilla Chai, and half a banana cooked in. Raisins and granola stirred in after cooking, rest of banana sliced on top with a tablespoon of Dark Chocolate Dreams. Also, strawberries and plum juice along side. I've never really had anything chocolatey at breakfast before, so this was a bit of a challenge, but it was really quite good. I think since it was only chocolate peanut butter - it was easier mentally and it was quite differnt to me. I also have decided that I really should try a dark chocolate PB and banana combined more often.

Mid-morning snack was Fage 2% with trail mix, raisins, honey and half a cup of chocolate soymilk. Nothing fancy.

Lunch. Oh another mighty lunch.

Lunch: One baked sweet potato cut into wedges, scrambled egg with cottage cheese, peas, broccoli and tomato. On the side: sliced fuji apple and a juice box.
OK. If I had to name any food as my most feared, it would probably be potatoes. But this was lovely. It was cold and rainy today as well, so it was the perfect day to have a warm lunch. It was really challenging for me - a hot lunch two days in a row! And it was things I've never had at home (scrambled egg, potato) both of which are kind of fear foods. I will definitly have this meal or something similar to it again though - it was quite good. I felt so proud of myself after, I couldn't believe I did it.
Lunch dessert was a long time favorite.

I haven't had this in awhile due to them being discontinued - I've been trying to save the ones I have. While I really like the dark chocolate walnut, I still have to say this one is my favorite. Can you believe it? I actually have preferences now! I think acknowledging these little things is important - it helps show how much progress truly has been made. Its not just the big steps like being at a healthy weight - its also the little things like being able to say you prefer one flavor over another, or being able to say that you truly enjoyed something. Those things are every bit as important - they just tend to go unnoticed more often. I'm trying to pay attention more to all the little bits of change that I tend to overlook - helps me see how far I've come. A year ago, I didn't even know how to say what I liked or what I preferred, and not just with food. It touched everything from what shoes I wore and the clothing I had on. I didn't go shopping for nearly a year because I felt too overwhelmed by the idea of having to choose what I liked. Not anymore though. Now its becoming more of an adventure.

My afternoon snack was none so photogenic but it was really quite good. And different! Well different for me anyways.

In the bowl: Mott's unsweetened applesauce, cinnamon, granola, almonds and cottage cheese. On the side, another half a cup of chocolate soymilk.

Dinner posed another huge challenge for me. But I was determined to follow through with it.

Dinner: bulgur wheat with hummus, peas, broccoli, roasted red pepper and tofu drizzled with olive oil. All mixed together! This was huge. And I finished it. I can't believe I didn't do this mixing foods thing a long time ago. Well, I suppose I can. But it is truly so, so much easier for me to eat and finish the whole plate without all those little individual food groups staring at me, begging me to pick through them. Yes, I admit it. I have had a tendency to inspect food before I eat it. Definitely an eating disordered/OCD issue. But mixing my food together has seemed to resolve that issue entirely. God, I felt so much more normal today, more than I have in a long, long time.
Dessert with dinner was another doozy.

Vanilla greek yogurt, dark chocolate chips and crunchy peanut butter.
You know your girl totally saved about half that peanut butter till the end and smushed the last two or three chocolate chips into it. I've never been a fan of Reese's, but the dark chocolate and PB combo is really quite good. That last spoonful was an indulgence, but I figured what the hell, if I'm going to be breakin' on ED today, I might as well go all the way, right?

Nighttime snack was another round of pumpkin oats. Its weird, I'll go like a week without really wanting this at all, and then I'll have pumpkin oats for like three or four days in a row. :shrugs: Oh well. Maybe I've just been needing that comfort lately.

All in all, today has been a really good day for me and I really appreciate it. Part of why it was such a good day was waking up to all the lovely comments and encouragement. You guys give me strength and you help me believe in myself. I can't thank you all enough for that.

I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday afternoon and if you happen to celebrate Easter - I hope its a happy one, spent with family and friends. Don't forget to treat yourselves a little bit either!


  1. wow, you picked me? that's... unexpected! but really sweet, thanks a lot ♥
    i'm so glad you had a relatively good day! and you deserve to feel happy and liberated for meeting your challenges. the mixing-food thing i can definitely relate to.
    i agree about the little things being important. they're sometimes the most scary too; i mean sure you can be a healthy weight, eating enough, but changing all the little ingrained habits can be sometimes harder than actually having x number of calories.
    by the way, loving the tofu! and that last spoonful of PB + chocolate chips. well done you! you give so much support, so you deserve all that you get. i'm glad blogging is helping you feel stronger in yourself. i hope your strength just keeps on growing from here :)

  2. thank you so much for the award my dear, you are too sweet. and thank you for your amazing comments each day you are incredibly wise and like an angel, i swear, you are one of the most beautuful people ive ever "met" your words really hit me and make me think and help me tremendously, after reading your comment today, i looked at maya and said what the f are we doing! we need to do something!
    love you and you are doing amazing, and love your eats as always, and great job going against your ocd tendency of not mixing foods. :) xoxoxx

  3. That's such a cute reward.
    You certainly deserve it!
    Shiny... (@_@)
    Have a great Sunday!

  4. yay for adventures with food shopping and more! ypu rock :) xx

  5. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!
    You're SUCH a sweetheart, and I am so proud of every single one of your accomplishments today! Don't days like this give you hope for the future!?!

    Whenever I eat oats with peanut butter, I plop the PB in the middle and eat around it so the last bite of two is basically ALL melted pb. YUM!!!

    <3<3<3 Happy Easter!!

  6. THANK YOU!! So sweet! I think it's great that you now have food preferences and can tune in to your appetites! I can't believe those Nectars are being discontinued...they still sell them here! Hey, if you want me to send you some of those vanilla lemon cashew bars I totally will! Just let me know! I totally relate to the individual foods staring up at you, begging to be inspected/picked over. Glad mixing has resolved that anxiety! Happy Easter!

  7. i really liked hearing about your peanut butter experiences (haha that sounds odd but still), and your comment totally brightened my day! :) *hugs* if thankyou had a synonym i'd be using it. but i can't think of any, so despite sounding like a broken record: THANKYOU <3

  8. tori! wow congratulations on facing your challenges! that is incredible. but you know what? i knew you could do it. i know you can face anything. you are such an inspiration - i dont think youve realized how many people you have helped along the way. thank you for being ''you'' you are so beautiful, inside and out.

    potatoes are a big fear food of mine too. but you reminded me of needing to challenge myself again soon - maybe this week :) and chocolate chips + pb + yogurt = oh my goodness. that look too die for.

    i hope you had a wonderful easter sunday!

    love you <3