Today has been mostly good. I actually woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and liked who I saw. I cannot recall the last time that happened. So, I put on clothes that made me feel pretty. And I felt good most of the day, until this awful stomach ache set in. That wasn't so fun. I had therapy this afternoon as well. It was a pretty good session I guess. More dealing with my now-occuring issues due to my stunted emotional growth thanks to ED. That was a mouthful, wasn't it? Yeah, I though it sounded like a bunch of hooey too. But I suppose it makes sense - the ED kept me in a shell. And now that I am breaking out of the shell, I am encountering a lot of things I never really permitted myself to deal with before. Also, I am speaking at an assembly that my former high school holds each year. The assembly is actually a 4-day thing, 40 minutes each day for four days. I'll be going on Monday for 20+ minutes. I'm really excited, but I'm also a bit nervous. I have an idea of what I want to say, and what I think they need to hear, but I'm not totally sure. I know I'll figure something out. I just really want to make sure that what I say will be heard, and not just disreguarded as statistical crap that the kids already learn in health class.
Breakfast: Hodgson Mill's Multi-Grain cereal cooked in vanilla soy with 1/2 a banana and raisins, topped with rest of the 'nana, almonds, Bear Naked triple berry granola and Dark Chocolate Dreams. On the side there is cottage cheese with some of my granola and raisins, as well as a glass of juice. This bowl of oats was more like dessert! I think that's why I don't typically have chocolate in the morning. But a little bit now and again is okay.
Mid-morning snack was a Fage 2% with golden raisins, agave nectar and my favorite - a cashew cookie larabar. I'm really proud of myself - I didn't heat this bar in the microwave. I think ED thought heating up = softer = easier to make crumbs with. Not quite sure. But the bar was just as good, regardless of temperature. Woo.
Lunch: Flat-out whole wheat wrap with avocado, tofu, broccoli, tomato, and cucumber. I had the extra veggies that didn't fit in my wrap on the side. As my "lunch dessert" I made a cottage cheese parfait - about a cup of strawberries topped with cottage cheese and drizzled with honey. I almost forgot to take the picture...so theres a bit missing. Today was a bit hectic at lunch time since my mom wanted to eat with me today.
Mid-afternoon snack was a repeat of yesterdays, except I used a vanilla yogurt today instead of plain. Still quite good though ^.^
Dinner was my last full serving of whole wheat pasta (somewhat) mixed/topped with green beans, corn and sweet peas dressed with olive oil, and a lemon garlic tilapia fillet. I really miss being vegan, or even vegetarian. I feel like I felt better when I didn't eat fish. I do feel fairly secure in my ability to know whether or not it was an ED choice or not - I think I have to wean myself into more and more vegetarian meals. Not for my own sake - but purely so my mother hopefully won't notice the change and freak out. I know she doesn't mean to be so controlling, and that it's purely out of her fear. So, I just have to try to show her I can be okay and she can relax.
Another bowl of apple pied oats ^.^ I don't quite know why I have been having this so much lately. I guess I was pumpkined and berried out? Anyways, its 5-grain hot cereal with brown sugar, cinnamon, caramel coffee creamer and chopped apple cooked in, nice spoonful of cinnamon raisin peanut butter on top. Really becoming my comfort bowl these days.
Ok. Well, girl here is tired. Hope everyone's had a good day. With that, I leave you all with a song lyric that's been in my head all day.
"One more day to leave it all behind,
To go where you have never even tried.
Don't let your inhibitions guide your way." - RX Bandits
The Ebb and Flow
3 months ago