Saturday, May 2, 2009


Ah. Woke up this morning feeling alright. I even hung out with a friend whom I haven't seen in well over a year, that was nice. I had the rather unfortunate experience of my mother convincing me to go shopping since most of my clothing is from high school. I did learn something though - low-rise jeans do not fit me properly. I'm very long from hip to shoulder, and low-rise jeans usually end up being a good four inches below my hip-bones and it just looks ridiculous. :sigh: Its a bit frustrating, because at my low, it really didn't make a difference what rise the jeans were, they were so big it didn't matter. But now that pants actually fit a bit better - the rise thing is much more noticable. ED keeps screaming its that I'm too fat and that's why I don't find the super low rise terribly enticing. Logically - I know that I never did like them low like that and the low-rise have really never fit me properly, even at my lowest weight - if I pulled my pants up to where they "should" have been fitting, I found it tremendously uncomfortable. The only reason the low rise didn't bother me then was that my pants were so large, they didn't stay there anways. I have to keep reminding myself "hello! Those jeans zipped, buttoned and pulled off perfectly fine - no strain. Its obvious you didn't like the way they looked because they were just too short from zipper to waist." Its been helping, but I really felt my ED there. My mom thought the jeans looked great - other than the fact that they barely rose high enough to even reach my torso. :sigh: I'm starting to think I have some sensory issues with clothing. On the bright side, I got a really cute kelly green fluted skirt. And, I went out with a friend. Two positives, one negative. Must not let negative win.

Breakfast: My verison of carrot-cake oats! Oatbran with 1/2 a large banana creamed in whilst cooking. Then stirred 1/4 cup grated carrot and raisins, plus some almonds and topped with PB. On the side - the usual juice and some cottage cheese with the rest of my 'nana. Okay now, how many people had carrot cake oats this morning? Hm. I think three including myself? Wowee.

Mid-morning snack: Fage 2% with a box of golden raisins and agave nectar, and a chocolate coffee Jocolat bar. Love this bar <3 I dipped some of it into the fage - soo good.

Lunch: Smashed avocado, cucumber and grated carrot sammie. Roasted corn and tomato salad, cottage cheese and strawberries. Does anyone else think that its rather amusing that Jemima and I had almost the exact same lunch and breakfast? I do. I find it rather interesting how so many of us eat the same foods on the same days. I wonder if its coincidence, or if its some kind of crazy transference via internet brainwashing.

Afternoon snack: Vanilla yogurt with slivered almonds stirred in and sprinkled on top, and a scoop of orange marmalade. I loveses my marmalade ^.^ Don't know why. But me and marm go way back to the days of my pitiful restrictive days. It was my "treat" to myself - a teaspoon of marmelade on about 1/4 of a rice cake. Its sad when I think about how little I allowed myself to eat, and how obsessive I became, but it does help me see how far I've come in about a year. You know, at one point I was measuring out Diet Coke of all things. Only allowed myself 2oz at a time, two maybe three times a day too. I don't even drink it anymore. I think one day, I might challenge myself to a can, as silly as that sounds. Since hwen is it a challenge to drink Diet Coke right? I used to love it though, along with my black coffee with Equal. Somewhere along the way, ED determined it wasn't worth it though. And damnit I get up at 5AM. I need coffee!

My picture of dinner is apparently missing, but it was quite good. I had a cup of pasta salad (WW rotini, olive oil, cut green beans, diced sun dried tomatoes) mixed with peas and sauteed broccoli, and a grilled salmon fillet with herb seasoning and dressing. Still not the biggest fan of my pescatarianism, but eventually. I know right now I am still in transition, and I am still trying to assure my family that any dietary and personal decisions I make are truly mine and not ED's.

Nightly snack: Baked apple oats. Took 1 chopped apple, put into microwave safe dish with a teaspoon cinnamon, 1/2 teaspoon brown sugar and a tablespoon of water and heated it for about three minutes or so. Then I cooked my oats with the usual coffee creamer and stirred my baked-apple in, and plopped a good tablespoon of Cinnamon Raisin Swirl on top. Doing up the apple this way makes it taste totally different - much more apple-pie like I think. The only downfall is that it does take a bit more time to make as opposed to just throwing everything in at once.

Well. I'm tired after today's lovely excursions. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekends, and their beginnings of May, so far.


  1. i love that even on your hard days, you manage to bring brightness to others. :)

    your eats look delicious as always...esp your oats! yummm

  2. Haha challenging yourself with Diet Coke, that's a new one! But hey, do whatever you need to do to kick ED out! I'm glad you survived the shopping trip, those can be so triggering! It must be frustrating not being able to wear low-rise jeans because you're so long and lean, especially since almost EVERY pair of jeans in the world right now is low rise! But I'm so glad you found a cute skirt, focus on the positives!

  3. Tori,

    I just did a video review of that larabar. Did you know it has half the caffeine of a cup of coffe? Awesome, mais oui?

    Loving that oatmeal. It looks delicious.:D

    With LOve,


  4. Hey Tori! Glad to see you're going out and having fun and letting yourself shop, you so deserve it!
    I have to tell you though, low rise jeans are not made for anyone, no matter what body, it just doesnt look good. Even for those with the misfortune of having a flat enough butt for them not to make you look like a plumber, they always look way too far below your hips and are simply not flattering. Clothes should work for YOU not the other way around.
    I've thought about how all of us have such similar diets too, I eat most of the same foods as you and everyone else in this recovery blog world and I think it's that we're all in similar circumstances- recovery and gaining, so with that in mind, there are certain foods that are good for gaining, and certain ones we tend to feel "safe" with, and putting those two requirements together leaves a limited array of staples for most of our diets. Not to say were not all making progress and venturing out of our safe foods, it is still great that we eat the calorie dense healthy things as long as we keep challenging ourselves with less comfortable foods once in a while. I do that a lot when I travel for work, but I end up losing weight on "normal" people diets because our needs are very different.
    My other comment on this post has to do with the pescetarian thing. I just wanted to say I've gone through the same thing. I started eating fish to gain weight to make my parents happy. I never even like fish before my veg days, but it is important to try. I've slowly cut the fish back out just because it grosses me out, and I ate it for over a year and know for sure I can keep my intake up without it, and I truly don't like it. My parents arent very happy since they've noticed me avoiding it again, and I tried explaining to my mom that even just the texture reminded me of the little fish squirming around and made me feel really sick, and her response was "well stop thinking about it while you're eating then..." yeesh, not much understanding there lol. Oh well, I know it's not an ED issue, I actually know fish is very healthy for me, and I will make exceptions such as when I travel to europe again this summer, but I'm glad I have the choice again to not eat it, and you'll get there very very soon :)

    k, that's my novel of thoughts for the day, hope you're doing well! and feel free to send me messages on fb or cc anything!


    ps. jocolat= better than any chocolate bar I've ever had pre or post ED!!!