Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happier Day.

First and foremost: I love you guys <33 Truly - words cannot express how glad I am to have so many people in my corner. I'm not worried about that anonymous commenter and I really think we should all stop paying attention to it. Its obviously the same person going around. And truly - as far as I'm concerned anyways - anyone who doesn't have the confidence to at least represent themselves with an actual name truly doesn't merit anyone's upset because obviously the things they are saying are not anything they themselves want to be connected to. Better just to see it for what it is, and ignore it.
I am feeling so much stronger today. And I cannot thank everyone enough. You're all so supportive and encoraging and I love you all to pieces!
I had a crazy dream last night - it was like two dreams at the same time. It scared me a bit, but it helped me realize what I need to do for myself - gain those last few pounds to make sure I am safe when I go back to school this fall. I'm going to do it. I've been struggling with it a bit after the doctor's appointment and her giving me the OK to stay where I am. But my dream made me see that staying where I am comfortable could be dangerous for me. I have to keep pushing forward or else I'll always be in that limbo between health and hazard.
So! Happy Sunday everyone and many hugs and love from me <3 Thank you for being your beautiful selves.

BTW - I did indeed mean 101.3 the radio station - I weigh considerably more than that, not that it's really anybody's business. Sorry if there was any confusion.


  1. I love you. This made me cry. I had a horrible day today, somewhat reminiscent of what you posted about yesterday.. you have no idea the strength you give me knowing that I am not alone. I wish we could meet for real. <3

  2. Thank you for the snack ideas. Seriously, your posts are like a constant inspiration and motivation for me. You are doing SO well and I'm so glad you're feeling better today :) xxxx

  3. Even though we don't know each other, I've been reading your blog, and I was really worried about you yesterday...glad you fought through and are feeling better <3

  4. Glad you're feeling better today, Tori. I'm so happy that you've made the decision to gain those last few pounds, I'm sure they'll pay off when you're as healthy as possible. I know I tell you this a lot, but you're so strong and you inspire everyone who reads your blog more than you'll ever know. Much love!

  5. so glad you had a better day today lovie.
    i am so happy you made the decision to gain the last few lbs! that is so strong of you, you are amazing! i love you.


  6. i am so happy to hear that you are feeling ready to gain the last few lbs. a few months ago, i was as you are in that limbo between health and hazard, its like the closer you are to a sick weight the more ed tries to pull you in, but when you reach a healthier weight it feels safer, i no longer have days that i am on the verge of just giving up. i know you can do it! i have so much faith in you.


  7. heya Tori :)
    I'm another longtime reader, just had to emerge and comment here! I am so glad you're feeling stronger, and didn't let the anonymous comments get you down. I think it's brave to address what you have been about your progress in recovery, and what idiots who don't understand say can't minimise the fact that being partially weight restored is a horribly confusing and upsetting place to be. a bit like you I started at a v low weight and am pretty tall so it was/is a big mountain so to speak :P...and yep, I have moments where I feel hopeless/resentful/wondering why I can't have done 'enough already'...tis inevitable. but it sounds like you know what you truly want, and you're obviously brave enough to get it! thank you so much for this post cause it's really inspiring for me...
    xx Fi

  8. Aw, Tori, this is wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that you feel so dedicated to recovery, your health, and most importantly, your life! This is beautiful - I know that you'll be fine by school, and you'll keep it up. You are such a strong, beautiful girl, and I know you can do it.

    And you bet we have your back. :)

  9. Everyone has bad times. You're LIVING proof (not on-the-verge-of-death-because-of-ED proof!) of how someone can be strong and overcome their greatest fears in order to achieve a better life for themselves. All these trials you face are a means to a better end :)

  10. HI dollface! I had no doubts that you would get through that little thunder storm going on yesterday. We most definitely all have tough days but what matters is whether we choose to get through them and arrive at a new day or dwell in the darkness. I could not be more proud of you for overcoming any apprehensions or hesitations you were feeling about moving forward. You can kick this in the butt for once and for all and regain a life back that is so worth living. Think about all the amazing people you will meet who will fall just as in love with you as much as we all have. :)

    p.s. I totally agree with your remarks about the anonymous blogger...the fact that she or he won't show their face means something much greater than the comments they leave.

    p.p.s haha the comment from yesterday was SO long I know but I cannot tell you how happy it made me to hear that it helped in even the tiniest bit. I meant every word and the time spent writing it was sooo worth it. :)

  11. Tori. Oh Tori, you are an amazingly STRONG and COURAGEOUS and INSPIRING young woman. Seriously, I wish I could HUG you right now. You have overcome ED WAY beyond. You have leapt SO far ahead ED can just pant forever trying to catch up. Take heart. Your life, your story? Already a freaking victory and accomplishment.

  12. Tori,
    I am so glad to see things turning around for you. You are doing wonderfully and I am so motivated by your strength to keep reaching for a full and happy life. It feels like the weight of the world can be sitting on your shoulders and you can feel only hopelessness and confusion, but the beautiful thing about that is that one morning, you wake up and things are clear and sunny again.
    Take care,