Monday, June 1, 2009


Hey again all! Sorry for not posting - I've been really busy. I think its a good sign though - means I'm finding more to do with my life, right? I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with K. Actually spent most of my afternoon with him today. I really like being with him - he's like one of the only people I feel like I can really talk to, and be myself around. I have other friends that I am comfortable with, but not in the sense that I can really tell them what's going on with me. So its really nice to have that. Plus, he's adorable so of course you know, that does kind of add to the list of reasons why I like hanging out with him.

I'm still feeling slightly run down at the end of the day thanks to my now-lingering cold. :sigh: I can honestly say though, despite upping the calories a bit, and feeling exhausted at times, ED really hasn't bothered me at all in several days. There's the occasional blip of "omg! Do I look OK?" but that' more based on the fact that I still tend to wear t-shirts and sweats around the house (c'mon! Who doesn't?) so when I do go out, I can never decide what to wear. Anyways. It is such a comfort in my mind, to not be having all the anorexic-thoughts swimming around in my head all day. I never really thought about it before honestly, until a friend I was talking to on the phone asked about it. She asked about how I was dealing with eating, if I still had those guilty feelings and anxiety - and that is when I realized that I hadn't felt those things in months! I suppose on a bad day when I'm tired, eating is harder, but that's mainly just due to not having an appetite. I can honestly say, eating in and of itself, even when I'm having a hard time with body image, does not cause me the stress or anxiety it used to. Now I accept it as something I need to do, and as part of a daily routine. Breakthrough? I think so. My therapist would call this kind of sudden realization a quantum leap. Because you start out on this journey, seeing this huge distance that you have to go to reach your goals, and you don't always notice the tiny steps you make each day, but then suddenly you look at where you are, and you see you've come a thousand miles already. There still may be a thousand left to go, but the amount of progress you've built up on seems to generate overnight.

So. Here's some of my latest creations that I've found to be most enjoyable:

Sunday Breakfast: 1/2 cup oats cooked in soymilk with canned pumpkin, raisins and cinnamon stirred in, topped with almonds, flaked coconut and WCW. Looooved this breakfast. I had some mini-banana-wiches on the side. Took a 'naner, cut it into slices and spread half of them with PB and the other half with orange marmalade and then smushed them together. That was fun haha, made me feel like a five year old but it was good.

Monday Breakfast: Cherry Pie'd Bircher-muesli. I took Dorset Berries n Cherries, soaked it over night in 1/2 cup vanilla soy and 1/4 cup plain yogurt. This morning, I added another 1/4 cup each yogurt and soy, and topped it with almonds, granola and a crumbled Cherry Pie larabar. This was really good - it was super refreshing thanks to the combination of tart and sweet. It was weird not having peanut butter in my breakfast, but definitely a good change I think.

Monday Lunch: OK. This was a really weird, but totally awesome pasta salad I made. I took whole wheat pasta and mixed it with peas and raisins, and topped it with ricotta and avocado wedges. It was really good, and I would definitely have it again. Sorry for the weird pic - I had about 3/4 of my plate filled, and the other 1/4 of it was filled with my apple and PB, but since we all know what that looks like I didn't feel the need for it to make an appearance.

Alright loves. I know I usually go all introspective and start typing out a bunch of random stuff around now. But I've already taken my cold medicine and its hitting me right about now. Goody goody I know. But hey, sleeping through the night totally wins out over the icky drowzy feeling. I really wanted to get in some sort of post though. Hope y'all don't mind if I cut this one a bit short (how short are my posts ever really anyways? I'm so very wordy)

Hope everyone has had a great start to their week! Nighty night.


  1. hey love, sounds like things are going so well for you right now. I'm so glad you have someone to just hang out with and be yourself and feel like you can open up and just relax. And no it def doesn't hurt that he's soft on the eyes ;)
    This post was really wonderful to read because yours is such an amazing story. I'm more than proud and happy to hear that you feel you have rid yourself of so many of your old ED anxieties and fears. You have traveled miles and made leaps and bounds. I mean it must be great to have to be asked about about those things rather than to be living in them.
    And yumm those pumpkin oats look absolutely incredible!
    Have a great night and get some rest so you can kick that cold.

  2. You resemble me once again when the "quick post" days are several paragraphs! Now if only I'd be as faithful about posting, wordy or not! There's just so much to say... O:-)

    It's so good that you've got a friend who doesn't just give you a chance to meet the "obligations" that the mental bounds [which lead to ED] always have ruled into our head, but who truly allows you to be YOU! That's what real friendship is--mutually thriving off of each other, NO "SHOULDS"

    I also wanted to say thank you so much for the friendship-pic thingy. :) I thought I'd lonng since alienated you and was touched that you still think of me, much less consider me a friend!

    -Nell [still won't let me sign in!]

  3. p.s. I forgot, I also wanted to say I just love your haircut/style! It suits you perfectly.


  4. Yay! I'm so glad you have found someone you can open up to. Knowing there are people other than your family that you can turn to is so comforting, because it makes you feel so much less alone. and it is such a nice added bonus that your confidante just so happens to be easy on the eyes ;) ooh lah lah.
    I'm so proud of you for coming so far, and I think it is great that you are living your life and not obsessing about food so much, even if it means that you can't post as often because it is your health that really matters. I love to see you getting better, dear <3. You are really kicking your ED in the butt.
    Both of your breakfast creations look fantastic! I expiremented with a Larabar in my breakfast yesterday and I think it makes a great addition to cereals.
    Take care!

  5. I am glad things are going well for you right now. Yay for no anxiety around food and eating. I am finding the same thing- that lately I have just been doing it and not thinking about it too much. Keep up all the great work!

    Love, love, love


  6. that is def a breakthrough! I'm happy for you! It can only get easier and easier from here...seems like God is smiling down on you! He even sent you an angel (K) to give you hope and happiness!

  7. hey hun,
    i hope that by now your cold is completely gone and you have all your strength back.
    i'm glad to hear you found a guy you feel comfortable with and can open up too.
    i can realte to you so much when you said how wonderful it feel not to be plagued by ED thoughts all day. its so great to just live and enjoy every moment of life. keep it up that way. you're making wonderful progres love