Hey again all! Sorry for not posting - I've been really busy. I think its a good sign though - means I'm finding more to do with my life, right? I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with K. Actually spent most of my afternoon with him today. I really like being with him - he's like one of the only people I feel like I can really talk to, and be myself around. I have other friends that I am comfortable with, but not in the sense that I can really tell them what's going on with me. So its really nice to have that. Plus, he's adorable so of course you know, that does kind of add to the list of reasons why I like hanging out with him.
I'm still feeling slightly run down at the end of the day thanks to my now-lingering cold. :sigh: I can honestly say though, despite upping the calories a bit, and feeling exhausted at times, ED really hasn't bothered me at all in several days. There's the occasional blip of "omg! Do I look OK?" but that' more based on the fact that I still tend to wear t-shirts and sweats around the house (c'mon! Who doesn't?) so when I do go out, I can never decide what to wear. Anyways. It is such a comfort in my mind, to not be having all the anorexic-thoughts swimming around in my head all day. I never really thought about it before honestly, until a friend I was talking to on the phone asked about it. She asked about how I was dealing with eating, if I still had those guilty feelings and anxiety - and that is when I realized that I hadn't felt those things in months! I suppose on a bad day when I'm tired, eating is harder, but that's mainly just due to not having an appetite. I can honestly say, eating in and of itself, even when I'm having a hard time with body image, does not cause me the stress or anxiety it used to. Now I accept it as something I need to do, and as part of a daily routine. Breakthrough? I think so. My therapist would call this kind of sudden realization a quantum leap. Because you start out on this journey, seeing this huge distance that you have to go to reach your goals, and you don't always notice the tiny steps you make each day, but then suddenly you look at where you are, and you see you've come a thousand miles already. There still may be a thousand left to go, but the amount of progress you've built up on seems to generate overnight.
So. Here's some of my latest creations that I've found to be most enjoyable:
Sunday Breakfast: 1/2 cup oats cooked in soymilk with canned pumpkin, raisins and cinnamon stirred in, topped with almonds, flaked coconut and WCW. Looooved this breakfast. I had some mini-banana-wiches on the side. Took a 'naner, cut it into slices and spread half of them with PB and the other half with orange marmalade and then smushed them together. That was fun haha, made me feel like a five year old but it was good.
Monday Breakfast: Cherry Pie'd Bircher-muesli. I took Dorset Berries n Cherries, soaked it over night in 1/2 cup vanilla soy and 1/4 cup plain yogurt. This morning, I added another 1/4 cup each yogurt and soy, and topped it with almonds, granola and a crumbled Cherry Pie larabar. This was really good - it was super refreshing thanks to the combination of tart and sweet. It was weird not having peanut butter in my breakfast, but definitely a good change I think.
Monday Lunch: OK. This was a really weird, but totally awesome pasta salad I made. I took whole wheat pasta and mixed it with peas and raisins, and topped it with ricotta and avocado wedges. It was really good, and I would definitely have it again. Sorry for the weird pic - I had about 3/4 of my plate filled, and the other 1/4 of it was filled with my apple and PB, but since we all know what that looks like I didn't feel the need for it to make an appearance.
Alright loves. I know I usually go all introspective and start typing out a bunch of random stuff around now. But I've already taken my cold medicine and its hitting me right about now. Goody goody I know. But hey, sleeping through the night totally wins out over the icky drowzy feeling. I really wanted to get in some sort of post though. Hope y'all don't mind if I cut this one a bit short (how short are my posts ever really anyways? I'm so very wordy)
Hope everyone has had a great start to their week! Nighty night.
The Ebb and Flow
3 months ago