Hello again all!
I'm sorry for not having posted in so long! I just haven't felt like myself in the past several days. it's been really hard honestly - I don't know what's wrong. I think it might have been the rain. It always seems to drain me. I've been kind of dealing with a lot of things. Too many people wanting of me, too many things I am trying to want for myself. It's been really confusing and I keep feeling like the days are never going to end. I feel really guilty right now because this morning I got really upset with my mom. I told her I was tired of having to constantly worry about my weight and I just wanted to be left alone. I feel very badly, because I know she just wants to make sure I am okay. But I spend every day worrying about if I really did eat enough or not, and every week I am petrified of getting on the scale. I know I haven't gained back all of the 2lbs I lost while sick. And I know I need to put it back. And I am trying. Helllooo quarter-cup of PB every morning! But apparently my metabolism isn't cooperating quite yet. I just...I don't know. I feel like I have come so far and no one cares. All anyone cares about is what I do or do not weigh. And I am tired of caring. I am so past all of this crap about numbers. I really don't want to know my weight anymore. I just want to be happy. And as long as I have to think about my weight, I know that will never really be.
On the bright side - I did get a hair cut and it's quite nice. I can do a bunch of different stuff with it so hopefully I'll start actually playing with my hair again (I generally just wash'n'go). I did actually attempt it this morning, just for you guys.
I haven't actually decided whether or not I like it yet or not, nor whether I'll keep it like this for the summer, or let it grow back in a bit. Its cropped down all along the sides and through the back, but the top is a bit long so I can push and play with that. I haven't had it quite this short in a while - not since I was rocking the 'hawk. I can actually spike this up too if I feel like it. Next time I have the 'hawk in action, I'll post a picture so you all can giggle over how incredibly silly I look ^.^
Oh yea! Here's breakfast:
Cocoa Mole Oatbran! After the favorited larabar, of course. I did it up using 1/2 cup oatbran cooked with chocolate soy milk, 1TBS cocoa powder,1-2tsp cinnamon, teeny pinch chili powder (yes, I was afraid of putting chili into my breakfast!) and a mashed-in banana, then topped it off with some shelled walnuts and creamy PB. For real kids - tastes just like the bar. Only better because, well, it was a whole bowl.
Hope everyone is off to a great start on their weekends!
The Ebb and Flow
3 months ago