Thursday, June 25, 2009

Spots and Spaces.

Big day today, big day. Had the weigh in this morning with Mumzy. Sometimes I really wish my body would do what it's supposed to do when I increase my calories. I suppose I should have just done a flat out 500 last week instead of 250. But I'm pushing up today by five hundred, so hooray for me.
ED is flipping shit and I am enjoying every minute. "You can't add that to dinner! Are you crazy?"No. Not crazy. Just willing to do what it takes to defeat this eating disordered voice. And if that means I have to have dessert with dinner every night from now on, so be it. Ain't no shame in having some fun foods. Anorexia has been creeping up - ever so subtley that even I didn't notice I was no longer having "treats". Perfect timing to add 'em back in though. Its a wonderful and delicious way to make my increase a bit easier to incorporate (at least in terms of fullness).
And so! My dessert of choice:

Dove Dark Chocolate and Tiramisu squares. These were sooo good! I had almost forgotten my love of dark chocolate. Little bonus: Each one has a loving message inside.
Oh! And speaking of loving messages, I decided I wanted to do something for Operation Beatiful. Here is my note, left tacked onto the scale at the gym:

Sooo beautiful Kiki tagged me for a survey.
I'm going to show y'all my decorative work on my laptop, since it doesn't really have a definitive area in which it's used:

Also, next to the "mouse pad" is a giant fuzzy elephant sticker. Yay stickers! had this baby since 2006.

What are you wearing right now?
Cobalt blue gathered top with a banded bottom, dark khaki mini-skirt from A&F. hemp and jade necklace that I made.

What's the last thing you read/are currently reading?
Currently reading "Limbo and Other Places I have Lived" by Lily Tuck

Do you nap a lot?
I used to....when I was in high school. Not any more though, since I went off antidepressants.

Who was the last person you hugged?
My mom! lol. Every morning before she goes to work.

What's your current obsession/addiction?
Oh god. I have several. Nicotine (shame on me!) acrylic paints, black ink pens.

What's for dinner?
Grilled tofu with spinach, sun dried tomatoes, sugar snap peas,olive oil and bulgur wheat mixed with hummus. And some Dove dark chocolate for dessert.

What was the last thing you bought?
::hides face:: Cigarettes...and food!

What are you listening to right now?
"Why Do You Love Me?" by Garbage. <3 Shirley Manson Oh wait! Now its "The New Black" by Everytime I Die (reppin' the New England core scene!)

If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
Everyone keeps saying mind-reading! But I really wouldn't want that - I can infer enough from people's behaviors and what they say. I think I would want to be able to fly. Or teleport myself. Yeah, I think that sounds neat, I like that idea. Teleportation it is.

What is your favorite weather and why?
75-80 degrees, warm, sunny. Like it is right now. Perfect for going outside to paint. Though I do like the crisper weather of autumn too.

What is your most challenging goal right now?
Convincing myself that yes, I really did need to eat an extra 500 calories. Also convincing myself that I don't need to make every single person I know happy and accepting that I can't make everything good for everyone all the time.

Favorite pair of shoes that you keep going back to over and over again even though you have a zillion others?
Turquoise peep-toed heels. And my neon Reeboks with the straps.

Name one thing you can't live without?
Means of artistic expression.

What time is bedtime?
Sunday through Thursday, have to be home by 10 so I don't block anyone into the drive way. Friday/Saturday - whenver I manage to get home that night. Though, mumzy is off for the summer so my sleep schedule will probably change since I no longer have to worry about blocking her car in the AM.

If there was one place you could be right now, where would it be?
Hmm. I think right here is good for now.

The five bloggers I tag, in no particular order! are...


Hope everyone is having a lovely Friday night! I personally will be watching the thunder storms through the garden windows whilst listening to Everclear and eating my bowl of semi-frozen vanilla Chobani with homemade cherry pie filling, slivered almonds and Nutella. Hell yes for summer!


  1. Thanks for the tag! :) I used to listen to Everclear a lot growing up. And I also enjoy watching thunderstorms.

    CHERRY PIE FILLING??? I dies. Dark Chocolate & Tiramisu also sounds great. Show that dumbfuck ED (my apologies for profanity) who's boss :D

  2. I am loving this post right now! Everything about it was enjoyable. Best part was hearing you say how you are just going to kick your ED in the ass for the final time and have treats and live life and be HAPPY. I am SO proud of you!

  3. Well done, I really admire your courage and how you fight back at your ED.
    That message on the scale really was beautiful and something we all need to remind ourselves of.
    Thank you for being such an inspiration, have a great day, xox

  4. This was an inspiring post!!!
    I've been following your blog for a few weeks but this is my first comment :).
    Just wanted to say that I really admire you because even when you feel really down, you still have the strength to pick yourself up and not listen to ED's voice :)

  5. Yay for chocolate! You're so inspirational, truly. At this point I have no doubt that you can do ANYTHINNNNGGG. I also love love your OB note, and the scale at the gym? Perfect spot. I bet you someone really needed to see that.

    Thanks for the tag! I really enjoyed learning more about you. Also.. thunderstorms, greek yogurt, cherries, almonds, Nutella..? Sounds PERFECT. Actually, would you believe I've never tried Nutella? I've never been a huge fan of chocolate things, so I never saw reason to buy it before. Part of me wants to now though, but I don't know what I'd use it with!

    Enjoy your weekend dear.

    Much love,

  6. you are SO strong, Tori. I truly admire your strength and determination. It's so awe-striking and inspiring!
    Yay fellow mac-lover! I love the way you decorated it!