Friday, July 10, 2009


Okay! I cannot put into words how much I love everyone right now! You guys are soo sweet - every single one of your words put the biggest smile on my face. You girls are too sweet and absoultely wonderful. Seriously - I appreciate so much. I don't really have any girl friends to gab with. So you all get to be victim to my boy-ramblings ^.^ I am reeallly nervous about the whole second date thing (tonight btw!) I haven't had a real relationship with a guy in...a long time. Sooo I'm not really sure how it all works but I guess I'll figure it out as I go along haha. Hopefully anyways.

And since some of you had asked, here's what I wore, first date:

Cobalt blue ruffled and banded bottom top. Also a dark khaki skirt that you can't really see...and one of my hand made necklaces.

So! I haven't posted up any eats in what? Two days now? Right. Well here's a few fabulous breakfasts I've concocted in the past few days:

Ginormous bowl of shredded wheat in Vanilla Chai with raisins, banana, dozen or so almonds and liberal spoonage of PB. Nuked all up in the microwave and smushed. Best way to have shreddies in my opinon. Well, that or with Greek yogurt.

And infamous Brownie Battered Oats. 1/3 cup Multigrain cereal cooked 1 cup chocolate soymilk, 1 large sliced banana mashed and melted in topped with WCW. My peanut butter sunk into the oats, making a big pit in the middle of the bowl :(. Vaguely like a volcano, no? On the side there you can sort of see my big blob of cottage cheese and dried cherries, and my fancy schmancy mug of cinnamon bun coffee. As a note - if one is without chocolate soymilk - 1-2 TBS of cocoa powder with a bit of brown sugar + one cup milk of choice will also yield a lovely chocolately bowl as well.

I hope everyone is having a great Friday and taking some time to enjoy themselves. I think something I have finally learned is that before I actually can really love myself as a person - I need to treat myself with love and learn what it means. You don't just wake up in the morning feeling great about yourself and like everything is perfect and peaches. I mean, we all have our good days, but you know what I mean. The negative self image, the harsh and critical thoughts, the disreguard for our own needs - those things take time to work through. But something I think that has helped me tremendously is learning to take time, not even every day but at least a few times a week, to do something that I enjoy and that makes me happy, or something that makes me feel good about myself. And it truly has helped me a lot. I mean - I'm not where I should be in terms of self-appreciation and what not, but I can at least allow myself to enjoy little things (and some big things!) in life without feeling guilty because I "didn't deserve it." I've noticed a lot lately that many of my ED thoughts and feelings are gone. Entirely. I almost never feel the urge to restrict when I'm upset. I don't feel guilt or anxiety about eating. Honestly - now that I've gotten the "real resturant" bit under my belt, I do not expect any more issues with eating out again outside of my indecisiveness. And I believe that all this change started with something so small and simple - doing something nice for myself. It gave me the ability to understand why enjoyment was necessary in life, no matter where or what it came from. Feeling good or happy and doing something nice for yourself, even if its just for an hour, probably is the gateway into self-acceptance and learning to love you for you.

So, what do you guys do that you enjoy? Or feel is something nice that you do for yourself?
Something I do to keep occupied and also enjoy is making necklaces and such. I've been making a lot lately actually. I was thinking about "raffling" off one or two as a give away if people were interested. Any thoughts?


  1. Wow what a nice entry!! I just really enjoyed reading your post!!
    And I wanted to comment before I go to bed (10.30pm here) because I'd like you to know how much I look forward to your post every day!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!! And this post in particular is letting me go to sleep with a smile on my face and the thought that everything will be good...
    Something I always feel good about is my ballet-lesson with my favorite teacher... Not to sound arrogant or something like that, but ballet is one of the only thing I feel like I'm really good at and I enjoy (almost) every class!!
    So I'm off to bed... Have a nice evening and weekend!! Hug, n.

  2. Hi :)
    I've been reading you're blog from a distance for ages and I just want to say how happy it makes me to see you happy like this :)
    You're blog is so inspiring and I'm so happy for you!
    I hope so much it all works out with this guy! Get in there ;) hehe!
    Take care :) & have a great weekend!

  3. I would TOTALLY LOVE to have one of your necklaces-to have been made by a person who is such an inspiration, and proof that we can fuly recover.Thank you for all your insight and inspiration, and I hope to keep reading and learning from your blog.

  4. Yay for a second date :) I'm glad this guy is such a great addition to your life it sounds amazing. WOOO :D

    I never thought of something like just doing something nice for myself even if few and far between to help assuage these crazy thoughts, but it's so true! How can one learn to love themselves truly without acting out that love. Ahh thanks for the lightbulb :)

    Have soooo much fun tonight!
    <3 Jenn

  5. Second date, good for you! I know recovery is always really hard and I feel so... I don't know... proud, I guess, whenever I see someone on a positive path. :D

  6. I know it sounds totally weird, but painting my nails is relaxing. My gosh, I put so much time and effort into them too!
    oh and Khaki skirts are the best things, they go with everything and look good no matter what! Good choice :)

  7. Mmmmm your bowls of breakfast goodness NEVER cease to make me drool! :)

    haha and OF COURSE we are here to gab ANYTIME you want/need! We love hearing about your life and the things that make you happiest!

    Tori, I cannot tell you how amazing this post was. The doing things for yourself concept was something I really need to read. I actually copied and pasted it and am going to re-read it a couple of times. I feel like we are so on the same page in terms of self-love and appreciation. All I can say is THANK YOU and I am giving you a HUGE hug right now for reminding me of these things! I really need to start doing nice things for myself and telling myself nice compliments. It's so important to loving yourself and enjoying life.

    Okay so go have fun on this second date...maybe a little kiss will be involved! ;)

  8. What a brilliantly uplifting and poignant post!

    I simply have to try out those brownie batter oats...I just need the WCW!

    Personally I take the time to paint ~ it's my real passion in life and something I wish I had pursued academically. It's great that you also take time out for yourself and I think I speak for everyone when I say that we'd all be scrambling madly to win one of your creations ~ I bet they're fantastic.

    Enjoy your weekend!

  9. I have given out homemade necklaces as part of a giveaway before, it's so much fun seeing photos when the recipient unwraps it! Definitely go for it :)
    I think I would go for making jewellery too, it's very relaxing. I love having so much beads, I'm sure it's rather OCD of me but I love sorting them out :P
    It's great to read that you aren't being plagued by ED thoughts so much now - I've found that too this time in recovery. Maybe all it takes is really committing and wanting out of anorexia for it to give up and let go. Long may it continue, anyway <3
    Katie (underthestars - moved my blog!)

  10. aw tori these words are amaizng!!! i am so so so super happy for you today. look at all the progress YOU have made. and look at all the happiness you feel from being more free and able to choose what you want to do with your life.
    well as for your question after this holiday i can say that i never knew how much i enjoy being loved and letting myself be loved. its the most amazing feeling in the world
    have a wonderful weekend

  11. Aww thats such a lovely a post, its nice to hear your starting to take more time for yourself :-).
    Id love to see some of the jewellery you've made, I like to make it to so Im always interested in seeing what other people make.

    I wish my breakfasts looks half as interesting as yours, delicious!


  12. I know how it is to have more guy friends than girl friends, and sometimes you just really need a girl around!

    It's great to hear that you are learning how to love yourself :) And I'm so excited that things are going well on your date(s) so far!

  13. i just started reading you but i'm glad to hear that life is looking up. EDs suck and any ed free joy is awesome. take care

  14. so much love for being straight forward and getting that lip action ;)

  15. can't wait to hear about your next date! and thanks for your encouraging words. you seriously are the best. reading your blog and seeing your health and happiness and amazing progress motivates me!

    my mom bought chobani greek yogurt and i tried some today and it was absolutely fantastic! just thought i'd tell u bc i'm pretty sure you are a greek yogurt girl haha.

  16. Those are wise words, Tori! Self-appreciation is really key, and you can't say you've succeeded in life when you never took the effort and time to enjoy yourself, and to appreciate yourself.
    For me, I really enjoy reading, talking to friends, traveling, cooking, and baking!

  17. This post made me feel so happy and pleased and impressed with you all at the same time! You are doing such a good job at everything, keep it up!! xxx

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