Sunday, July 26, 2009

Ouchies.

So, I fractured a bone in my pinky toe this morning.

Bloody fucking perfect.

I don't deal well with feeling like I am crippled. Limping around the house and yelping every time my foot hits the floor just so is NOT my idea of fun.

I do not like this. Not at all.

It really doesn't hurt that badly to be honest - but its a big fat screaming reminder that I am physically compromised. Someone with healthier bones probably wouldn't be in as much pain. Of course, I can't be sure of that. I did drop a full weighted stainless steel frying pan on my poor little baby toe. I keep trying to tell myself that it would have hurt someone with healthy bones just as much. I'm sure of that. But I can't help but blame myself for all of this. If I wasn't so clumsy, if I hadn't kept myself at such a terribly low weight for so many many months, years, maybe. I don't know.

I hate being injured. It makes me feel so stupid and helpless. I do not like this feeling at all. I fight so hard to be strong and independent and now I can't even cross the kitchen floor for a glass of water.

I know its totally silly to get this upset over such a small injury. Its just so incredibly frustrating to feel this useless and helpless now. And I am terrfied that due to my osteoporosis, it will not heal properly or in due time. That I will be feeling this pain for weeks on end and I will grow more and more fed up with it and fall apart out of fear.

8 comments:

  1. Ouchhh :(
    Don't worry, you are doing your best to mend up and recover, you're strong, I know your poor bonesies will get strongererrr ^^
    xoxo

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  2. Keep your chin up :/ Like many things in life, I think it'll seem really horrible at first right now, but with a little time you'll be able to see situation with a new lens and realize it's not so bad. Your toe will heal as long as you continue to nourish your body, especially with the calcium you need :)

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  3. feel better babe...only more incentive to keep up your good work xxx

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  4. NO FUN! Getting hurt can be a bummer, but you'll heal! That's the great thing about life, things will happen, but then they can only get better!

    XO
    Keri

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  5. I wish I could do something to heal your poor baby toe!
    drink milk = get calcium = bones heel = no more walking around in pain! Ta Da!

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  6. oh my god tori!!! they same thing happened to me about a year ago. haha! i was so angry a myself cause i also happened so suppenly and then this really annoying pain was there. but dont worry about it the majority of the pain should go away soon and if you have swelling it will also go in about a week. but it did take about 3 month for the toe to stop hurting completely and until i was able to wear normal shoes again. aw sorry i dont wanne scare you. just ice it a lot during the day and keep you feet up.
    hope you feel better soon
    xxx

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  7. aw oh no! feel better! try to enjoy your crippled state by making other people wait on you! haha

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  8. Oh sweets! I am so sorry about your toe! If it makes you feel any better I do stuff like that ALL the time. I do the same thing and get really upset with myself and say "well if you had only..." but ya know what? That doesnt make the situation any better. I know its just our personalites but my mom made a good point that by putting ourselves down, we only create a greater pain. If we can just sort of laugh at our clumsiness and accept the situation, maybe it wont feel so bad. Silly things happen and while they may totally get us sooooooooo upset and frustrated, its just one thing. PLEASE dont tell yourself that its your fault or that it has anything to do with the past. Your little baby toe will heal and it will be okay. Yes the limping and pain isnt fun but make it an excuse to have the boy come over for some cuddling and movie days :) Im sending big hugs and hope you feel better! I know youll be fine xoxo

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