Friday, August 7, 2009

Big Day #2

So today is my big date with the bone doctor.
I will update with news on that and such when I get home. For the time being, lets hope that she doesn't suggest anything entirely obtrusive to my life and that I am able to stay the whole appointment without having a "Fuck that!" come out of my mouth. Because I'm in a really stubborn and pissed off mind frame at the moment (boy problems? you bet. It is NOT funny to consistently ask about breaking up and then go on to pretend to do it as one drops me off home. And chasing after me as I walk up to my door without saying a word and hugging me and kissing me telling me it was a joke does NOT make it better.)


On the bright side, I might be getting my old job back. And I've decided I want a new tattoo.

Update: So! The doctor says that my bones are already rebuilding from the osteoporosis, and that within the next year or two, I should be well out of the osteoporotic state! Yay. No medications required, just continued nourishment and weight-training should do the job. I am VERY happy to hear this. She also said as long as I don't pull too too many outrageous stunts, I can continue my everyday life as is.

To celebrate, I took myself to the mall and bought some pretty things. In preparation for bad news, I had a super-good breakfast just because, you know, having a good breakfast makes bad news easier to bear. In this case though, I guess the lovely breakfast has become more like a reminder to myself that eating well can and will make things better for me.

Muesli, banana, dried figs, almonds, walnuts and PB. <3 this!

Thank you all so much for your support and all. D made me feel guilty for being upset with him and I was beginning to feel like I had over-reacted. But knowing that you all also agree that it was totally not cool to be consistently asking and joking about that particular topic makes me feel a lot better. :sigh: Sometimes I feel like I am not made for relationships. Its really frustrating because I always feel so awkward and like everything I do is wrong, like I'm constantly making mistakes. I know in time, the insecurity will disappear. I just wish it would happen sooner. Though if there's one thing I have learned, its that all things worth while take time.

Speaking of time, as of today I have been in recovery for fourteen months. Holy crap. That is a LONG time. I remember thinking I'd be done gaining weight within a few weeks. Ha! What crazy things ED causes us to perceive as real and true.


  1. Best of luck girly, your in my thoughts

  2. Hmm I'm not sure how that 'joke' of his is funny at all. And I have a pretty weird sense of humor :P

    I hope the doctor gives you good news!

  3. (Not sure if it published first time)
    That's a joke that would have earned a slap from me. Good luck at the bone doc, sweets, I'm keeping you in my thoughts <3

  4. Good luck girlie.
    Just remember, no matter what happens at the doc's today, you have come so far. Don't let anything stand in your way now.

    Ack boys, boys, boys...
    Don't let him bring you down either. You deserve so much more than a relationship full of games.


  5. wow. im so sorry the bf is joking over a non-laughing matter. but i'll be thinking of you all day tori. you are a strong girl, and i know everything will work out in time. massive hugs!

    love you,
    XO b

  6. Best of luck, I'll be thinking about you today!

    UGH boys. I understand, dear.

    Much love,

  7. I'm glad to hear things went well. I want a tattoo too, but my mom insists i wait till i'm 18, which is only a few months away, yay, so until im 18 i can only wait. What are you thinking about getting for yours?

  8. Ahh boys will be boys.

    Im really pleased for you about your results though, thats great news and Im sure its a big relief for you!

    Heh I remember thinking the same to when I began recovery, I thought it would take no time at all. You've come a long way in your 14 months, they have been long but worth it :-)
    Have a great weekend

  9. 14 months is so amazing
    you're so strong!

  10. this is such wonderful news. i guess you can fully recover even if you were sick for so many years!!! you are an ispiration to me and all the other girls who are leaving this stupid ED behind.

  11. I was so happy to log on and read your update this morning,
    seriously smiling for you :)

  12. Oh yayy I am SO happy to hear that you received good news rather than bad! See what feeding that body with the most amazing foods around can do for your bones!! Yayy yayyy yayyy!

    The boy's joking thing really isn't cool and you know we are all here for you to remind you that you should NEVER feel guilty about some of the things that he has said or done. Relationships take a lot of work and its about learning from both your and their actions. Don't ever doubt yourself as long as you are being you. That person is a worthy one and an amazing one and one that CAN definitely do relationships. I, too, feel like I might be bad at relationships but we cant keep doubting ourselves otherwise we'll never have faith in ourselves when with another.

    And heck yes for 14 months! COuldn't be prouder of you!

  13. Hi Tori! How are you, beautiful? I miss you, so I have been reading your blog lately to stay updated. I think of you each day and hope for the best for you, always.

    I am so happy to hear about the good news that the doctor gave you. I know that you over worry and analyze as I do, but look, each time that you have been worried about the news that you have been given or about to get, it always turns out in your favor, as it should. Just like you mentioned, eating well really does wonders for you. 14 months is just the beginning. You have all of that time behind you and a lifetime ahead of you.=) So be incredibly proud of the progress you have made this far and be prepared for beauty and happiness with each day to come in every moment.

    I am sorry that D has been bothering you lately, but honestly, you could have not handled it better. Who is he to judge what is too little, just enough, or too much for you? Only you and your body know that, and that is all that matters. Boys know nothing about eating a lot anyway! They never seem to have enough and could probably eat all day if permitted. When I was dating my boyfriend, out of panic, I remember telling him how I had eaten a banana, a slice of watermelon, a piece of bread, and a Pop-tart for the entire day. He replied in all seriousness with, "Wow, that is so much for you. You normally don't eat that much and probably shouldn't." See, guys really just don't know what they should and shouldn't say. While we should be relishing in and laughing at their stupidity, we take everything to heart and twist it around.

    Good luck with getting your job back! Speaking of work, I need to go there now, so I will maybe talk to you later or hopefully read more of your always so interesting, inspiring, and insightful posts. I carry you in my mind and heart, always, Tori. Forever stay strong, beautiful, and determined. You are a fighter, and nothing and no one is ever going to bring you down. Have a wonderful Saturday!

    Love always,

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  15. Sorry you're having boy problems. :D At LEAST you're not having too many bone problems! Good luck. I send you virtual hugs. :D

  16. that is so great to hear about your osteoporosis...i have had osteoporosis and osteopinia in my spine and hip since i was 14 years old...i havent had it checked since but i hope that it got better, i am not sure if its reversible? well anyways i am incredibly proud and in complete awe of you and your progress lovie, and that breakfast looks to die for, def an amazing way to start off your day, love dried figs with pb!


  17. Im so happy to hear that your bones should be repaired within a year or two. Thats wonderful news :) and you know what? Its all down to your hard work and commitment to nourishing and repairing your body, so you should be thoroughly proud of yourself Tori!

  18. im so glad your bones are remending..shows nourishing your body is the way forward :) xxx

  19. Hey...I'm reading your blog for the first time. It's really inspiring to see the way you've recovered, the way you're DETERMINED to kick ED once and for all. Thank you:) Congrats on the good news about your osteoporosis!

  20. YAYYYYY TOri!!! I am so happy to hear the good news from your bones doctor! I am also really worried abt my own bones...I have never had a check-up yet, esp since I don't have health insurance so a check-up is just...not available to me due to our financial status. So I'm really relieved that your bones CAN get better!

    and don't worry abt the relationship problems...there are BOUND to be some ups and downs, but you learn a lot from the downs, including how to tolerate others, and be able to compromise and empathize. Good luck my dear!

  21. hey girl! just found your blog! congrats on the news with the bone doctor. and btw i love your morning eats, lok delic!