Wednesday, December 23, 2009


I spent over ten hours at work yesterday. I'm such a push-over. I volunteered to stay til 10PM to help clean out the store (both of people and misplaced merchandise.) By the time I finished helping to put away returns, there was an angry mob of customers waiting to be checked out. I, being me, offered to hop back on the register since I was still on the clock.

I didn't clock out til after 11PM. I clocked in at 12:45 that afternoon (I came in a bit early, for the same reason.)

The manager who asked me to stay, Robin, thanked me at least half a dozen times. First for staying til 10 and doing store clean-up, and then again after I said I would stay until the massive lines cleared down. Let this be a lesson to us all: Last minute shopping is a BAD idea.

I'm going out to lunch with my brother, aunts and cousins today. I'm a bit nervous - the last time we did this, I had just come home from Pratt and wasn't very well in my state of mind. The last time the majority of my family saw me, I was an emaciated, scared little girl without much left to live for. Things have changed so much, as have I. All for the better of course, but I am afraid of the amount of attention I may receive. Hopefully the rarities like my brother and cousin Kelly being home will diffuse it a bit. It may not sound like the most "recovered" thing to do, but I already looked at the menu and decided what I would have to take some of the "decision making" nerves away - I already know what I'm having so I won't panic over it in front of everyone. With Dan, I'm perfectly fine deciding on a whim what to eat, but this a bit different and I wanted to make it as stress free as possible. So yours truly will be having pasta and veggies in a balsamic reduction, with "zesty lemon and herb grilled salmon". If I'm feeling really brave, I may even get a drink. ^.^


  1. Tori,
    ahh 10 hours at work! poor babe, you deserve the biggest break, and rest ever!

    choosing what you will order before a meal out, i think is a very "recovered" thing to do, you are only looking out for yourself, like perhaps you could go into the restaurant without a clue of what to get, panic and get something that ED wants, but it sounds like tori is looking after herself and making sure she has a good game plan ;) and that dish sounds so delicious, actually the other day thinking about adding salmon and like tuna back into my diet...and be less rigid with my vegetarianism...
    well love you so much babe, and i know today will be great, and any comments you get or attention that you get, tht your ED may hate, but just know that you are beautiful, amazing and wonderful...and these comments are only meant to be positive! and ED lies, ad you know, yet i totally know how stress provoking it can be to be in this kind of situation. good luck lovie...and happy holidays! :)


  2. Hi Tori!

    10hours...You're human, right??? O_o??

    Good choice, I love salmon! I wonder if I'll like acohol in the future. Love the smell of Bailey's, Kahlua...but drinking it? My friends make fun of me not drinking beers in partys, lol.

    Have a great time, I wish I had a Xmas dinner like everyone. Wish my mom had more, spirit. ''Xmas is just a normal day...Oh and I forgot to buy presents, so I'll just do my famous roasted chicken! Good present!''...yeah, we had this 'famous' roasted chicken 3x las week, duh!


  3. You must be exhausted, take it easy hun you deserve a break.
    As Eliza said above, looking at the menu beforehand is definitely a recovered thing to do. We might never have a completely "normal" relationship with food but recovery is learning to look after ourselves in health and happiness and so by making sure you do that you seem to be doing everything right. Enjoy the family time and the yummy sounding food! love xoxo

  4. wow that is an epic work day, you must be pooped! i hope you can rest up before your lunch. i agree, it might not be the most "recovered" thing to scope out the menu beforehand, but it's one hell of a lot more recovered than retreating into your ED and skipping lunch altogether! i hope you found something that appeals to your tastebuds, not just to your ED thoughts. It's all about baby steps, we'd be lying to ourselves if we thought everything would come easily. Right now eating out is still a challenge for you, but a challenge you can face and CELEBRATE!

  5. Wow, as if i needed another excuse to not shop at Wal-Mart... their treating my Tori like a malaisian 10 year old!!

    Im so excited for your lunch and i know its going to be awesome to the power of 24. And what fo you mean... 'may even'. I better see some drinky drinks going down today. Perhaps one with an umbrella and a small hula doll that someone will then send to me?

  6. 10 hours! Wow, I always loved working retail during the holidays (because of the overtime), but hated working retail over the holidays (because of the stress and ALL those crazy people).

    I hope you get some time to rest, and enjoy that lunch!

  7. I just found your blog...glad you are feeling better! It seems like it has been a rough road but you sound really happy and confident now.

  8. I don't know if every action can be defined as either recovery oriented or not recovery oriented. And honestly, in this situation, I don't know if any judgement is necessary. You have spoken before of how much you care about your brother and don't get to see him a lot. In looking up the menu in advance you're increasing the chances that the meal will be relaxed and without ED's intrusions. Hopefully with the decrease in anxiety you'll be more present and able to enjoy the company of your family. Just my two cents ;) I hope you have a FABULOUS time!


  9. Oh I remember those last minute crowds, I never do christmas overtime now for that reason!

    I hope the lunch goes well <3

  10. I hope you enjoyed the meal!
    Last minute shopping sucks...but I've never really went shopping for Christmas, since we don't do gifting here, hee hee. But it tok 1 hour for me to go to Costco because of the traffic that were inching their way to the mall!

    Have a GREAT Christmas, my dear Tori! Love ya!