Friday, January 29, 2010

Free Friday!

Ahhh! I am SO happy right now. No school. No work. Awesome!
We had an insane snow storm yesterday. I was legit sitting on my sofa in my fleecies drinking cocoa and thinking to myself "Damnnnnn it better stop before I have to leave for work."
I had to be into work at 2PM. The snow stopped (for about 3-4 hours) at exactly 1:30. I felt powerful haha.
Then we got hit with more snow while I was on my lunch hour. Before I left work last night, my buddy leaving next week for Afghanistan apparently went out and scraped off my car for me. Awww. He appeared at my register and was like "Hey....I scraped off your car for you. I didn't want you to be standing out there in the cold doing it." Isn't he sweet? I think so. Sigh. I'm really going to miss him. We usually get our breaks and stuff at about the same times and such, and it was really nice having someone to talk to.

In other news - I have not gone for a run ALL WEEK. I pulled a muscle in my side and I was a bit nervous that running might have caused further damage. On top of that, my mom had me weigh in yesterday. Now, I figured not running + eating more would = weight gain. But apparently my body isn't cooperating quite that well. I think its going to be a real battle between my metabolism and current activity level in order for me to gain even half a pound a week. But I'm a trooper and it will get done. I've set my mind to this and I will not be deterred. I'll be honest - I'm surprised at how much I still need in order to gain. Like, really, really surprised. But I suppose I shouldn't complain. I do truly believe that forcing myself to eat so much on a daily basis is what freed me of my ED fears, and consequentially, is bringing me closer and closer to freedom from anorexia as a whole. I do question myself sometimes because I do get nervous every now and again when I'm eating so much, but I just keep reminding myself that I'm doing what I need to do for me and MY body - no one else's. And I know that while it was difficult to make the choice - challenging mysel to gain faster all those months ago is what healed me (and apparently my metabolism too). So I need to step it up again? No biggie. And now, on the bright side, I'm really not afraid of anything anymore. I had a dinner of mac n' cheese with broccoli and a York Peppermint Pattie at work last night. I decided to buy dinner just 'cuz its so much easier some days. I did pack and consume snacks for both of my 15 minute breaks. I swear - I actually had one of the guys tell me I ate too much. I told him to suck it and stop hating just cause he was jealous of my ability to eat and not become round. Look on his face? Priceless. It probably wasn't the nicest thing of me to say - but really? I kinda think it was deserved.
And now! Awesome breakfast for the week:

Creamy Banana Bread Oats
Multigrain cereal cooked with cinnamon, 1/2 c. vanilla soy milk, 1/4 cup Hazelnut coffee creamer, sliced banana, and PBCO Cinnamon Raisin PB. I loved this breakfast. The oats were thick and creamy, almost cake-like. And the hazelnut creamer gave a nice nutty sweetness. And of course where can you go wrong with banana and PB? All in all, good breakfast. Nice treat for my awesome entire-day off.

Now I'm off to do Sociology homework (btw I am the only Art major in that class. Everyone else is doing criminal justice, general studies or finance. Awesome!) and do an art project or two.

13 comments:

  1. Tori - i just want to say how inspiring you are - i luv how you are able to eat intuitively and listen to your body's needs!!!! your breakfast looks delicious as usual - have a great weekend - enjoy your time off!!
    xoxo aimee

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  2. I love those oats!

    And I love your attitude and determination. You've come from far and I know you're gonna get to that truly healthy BMI. Because you're strong, because you want itand mostly...because you deserve it!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

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  3. HELL YES FOR THAT COMMENT TO BOY AT WORK!
    I have increased my meal plan IMMENSELY and stopped going to the gym and my weight isn't budging. I'm AMAZED by this...and I think it's really helping me realize that adding things doesn't necessarily mean I'm going to blow up! Proves all my ED thoughts wrong!

    Your motivation is incredible though. Keep it up, and enjoy ALL the food you want and your body needs!
    <3

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  4. I've just been told by my doctor that I'm not meant to be doing any exercise and I'm finding it so hard. But after reading this post, you've made me realise that exercise really isn't that important at the moment and that actually your body can (amazingly) still not put on any weight even though you're eating more and very sedentary.

    I never realised how our metabolisms can speed up so fast. Thank you for being so inspiring
    x

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  5. YESS!! Free Fridays. That's the way I feel today, except we've had massive rain storms rather than snow :P But today = no class, no work for once. Soooooooooooooooo pleasant.....

    Oh, what do you know, time for some hot cocoa ;)

    P.S. Love your response to that guy. He didn't know what was comin' haha

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  6. sorry your body isn't cooperating, hopefully that will change soon! in teh meantime, enjoy your free friday :)

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  7. wow you are an inspiration! This journal totally lifted my spirits. way to go!!!

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  8. just stumbled onto your blog...so inspiring. you are inspiring to all of us women who have thoughts now and then about how unperfect our bodies are...you remind me that i should be grateful for a body that works. AND you remind me even more of how wonderful food is, and what a gift it is. keep it up! you are beautiful, and indeed growing stronger. thank you for sharing your journey!

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  9. hey lovie :]
    so proud of you for doing this, and sorry your body isn't cooperating yet that is a great sign that your metab. is normal/super dooper fast ;P which who wouldn't want? ;) lol..
    well love what you told that guy, that made me smile, you are too cute, and have the right to tell people off like that cause Tori is just that amazing ;) o
    h and that brekkie looks like heaven in a bowl ;)

    love you beautiful
    xx
    Eliza

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  10. Hey Tori...I'm new but I hope I can comment on your posts, as I find them incredibly inspiring and thought-provoking, which is always, to me, the sign of a beautiful soul and intelligent mind.

    I have the same problems with the way my body reacts to differing intake versus exercises ratios. Going for an hour-long walk everyday has become a safety net of mine in coping with the fact that I eat more than normal people in order to recover. These walks are ritualistic, and for the most part, completely the product of anorexia fearing that weight gain will happen too fast if I don't exercise. However, I found that cutting back on my activity level didn't make me blow up at all, rather the pace of my weight gain decreased...how odd! It's quite amazing, though, was our bodies do to preserve our health and sanity.

    I've enjoyed reading your entries, hope you keep writing!
    Love,
    Krystyna

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    ReplyDelete
  12. wow that so cool that you have friday off!! must be nice and relaxing for your :]

    rocking bowl of oats girl - nothing says good morning like oatmeal with some peanut butter!

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  13. just stumbled into your blog! keep up your determintation! sorry to hear about the FREEEZE MODE weather! seems most of yall are gettin hit!

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