Sorry that I deleted my last mini-post. But I was currently at 123 posts and the little kid in me isn't quite ready to give that up yet. Thank you all so much for the good wishes. I love you girls (and Clay) to bits.
Unfortunately, my NYE was not that great. I drove to West Haven to pick up a coworker in the snow. That's three towns north of where I live, with my place of work right in the middle (So I drove 4 exits PAST where I work to get to her home).
I was turning left off the exit when the car coming down the road from the opposite direction failed to stop at the stop light. He crashed into my car.
Front end, driver's side. My car spun. Life flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how, but there is no visible damage to me or the car. I know someone up there must be looking out for me.I finished the drive to get my coworker and bring us to work (only 10 minutes late too!) But I admit, I was too scared to drive home later that night in the snow. A friend from work drove me home that night and picked me up to bring me there the next morning. He's a sweet heart, huh? Actually, he called me minutes after the accident happened because he knew I was driving to work and had a feeling something bad happened. I'm going to miss him a lot. He's in the Army and has just been called back for his 3rd tour in Iraq. Sad faces. He hasn't even left yet and I'm already worried. I pick the best people to befriend, don't I?
That part isn't what's really getting to me though.
I spent the majority of NYE with D. We couldn't stop fighting. I'm sorry for bringing my issues to the blog, but it is making me crazy. I don't know why he keeps acting this way, especially when he is so insistent that he doesn't want to break up. Its been putting a damper on my mood though. And I really wish I knew how to fix it and make him feel less insecure. But I can't fix it for him, and I am totally aware of that. Which is rather hard for me to accept. Sigh. I'm not sure I have it in me to carry both his baggage and mine. I can't take constant accusations and I don't understand people who need constant attention and affection because, well, I've never really experienced that and I think I've done quite fine without it. I feel guilty because he makes me feel like I don't love him enough, or the right way. But I was raised in a family where the word love was not so much spoken, but showed. So I don't say those words very much, and I don't actually know how to be in a real relationship anymore (5 years of no real strings may be why I am so against dependency) and I've told him this. I don't know. I just hate feeling like I'm constantly doing something wrong, or at the very least - not doing something right. All these different things coming from all directions is definitely overwhelming for me at the moment.
At least there is room for wonderful cheer-me-up breakfasts:
The world seems so much better after I've had my cup of coffee.
The Ebb and Flow
2 months ago