Saturday, January 2, 2010

NYE Update.

Sorry that I deleted my last mini-post. But I was currently at 123 posts and the little kid in me isn't quite ready to give that up yet. Thank you all so much for the good wishes. I love you girls (and Clay) to bits.

Unfortunately, my NYE was not that great. I drove to West Haven to pick up a coworker in the snow. That's three towns north of where I live, with my place of work right in the middle (So I drove 4 exits PAST where I work to get to her home).
I was turning left off the exit when the car coming down the road from the opposite direction failed to stop at the stop light. He crashed into my car.
Front end, driver's side. My car spun. Life flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how, but there is no visible damage to me or the car. I know someone up there must be looking out for me.I finished the drive to get my coworker and bring us to work (only 10 minutes late too!) But I admit, I was too scared to drive home later that night in the snow. A friend from work drove me home that night and picked me up to bring me there the next morning. He's a sweet heart, huh? Actually, he called me minutes after the accident happened because he knew I was driving to work and had a feeling something bad happened. I'm going to miss him a lot. He's in the Army and has just been called back for his 3rd tour in Iraq. Sad faces. He hasn't even left yet and I'm already worried. I pick the best people to befriend, don't I?

That part isn't what's really getting to me though.

I spent the majority of NYE with D. We couldn't stop fighting. I'm sorry for bringing my issues to the blog, but it is making me crazy. I don't know why he keeps acting this way, especially when he is so insistent that he doesn't want to break up. Its been putting a damper on my mood though. And I really wish I knew how to fix it and make him feel less insecure. But I can't fix it for him, and I am totally aware of that. Which is rather hard for me to accept. Sigh. I'm not sure I have it in me to carry both his baggage and mine. I can't take constant accusations and I don't understand people who need constant attention and affection because, well, I've never really experienced that and I think I've done quite fine without it. I feel guilty because he makes me feel like I don't love him enough, or the right way. But I was raised in a family where the word love was not so much spoken, but showed. So I don't say those words very much, and I don't actually know how to be in a real relationship anymore (5 years of no real strings may be why I am so against dependency) and I've told him this. I don't know. I just hate feeling like I'm constantly doing something wrong, or at the very least - not doing something right. All these different things coming from all directions is definitely overwhelming for me at the moment.

At least there is room for wonderful cheer-me-up breakfasts:


The world seems so much better after I've had my cup of coffee.

10 comments:

  1. Hi!

    I'm so sorry about your issues with D...I can't help you here, because I can't understand men. Complete strangers to me. But I'm sure other blogguettes (and Clay) will give you wonderful advice. In the mean time, don't feel guilty. It's not your fault if his insecure. Life is tough, sometimes you gotta harden up. (Hey, it rhymes!)

    I laugh when I read the 'I love you girls (and Clay) to bits.' xD...I think Clay is the only guy who comments. I recently discovered that I have male readers, but that never commented, so now each time I start a post, I'm like 'Oh, I can't say 'Hi chickaboos' or 'Oh, I can't say 'Hi lovelies!' xD Ok I'm out of the subject now...

    Wonderful breakkie...it's been a time since you posted one of your creation :)

    xo
    Vanilla

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  2. Tori! I'm so sorry to hear about your car accident, I know how terrifying they can be. Sounds like you were surrounded by the right kind of people though, and that you handled it pretty well. And you are so lucky that you (and your car) are safe and unharmed.

    And I'm sorry your going through a rough time with your boy. There are always going to be difficulties in relationships, but its wrong that you feel like you're doing something wrong. You have no reason to feel guilty, so keep reminding yourself of that.

    Hope you have a better weekend <3
    Hannah xo

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  3. Amen to a cheerful breakfast!

    I'm so happy you made it safe & sound through that car accident. Wow. Even more proof that you are here with us & here to stay :) You can survive anything, I'm convinced!

    It also sounds like you have your head on straight. You seem like a really logical person, so don't let his illogical actions and unreasonable expectations get the best of you. I think, in time, you will figure out what you need to do that is BEST for YOU.

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  4. ahh Tori, i am so glad that you came out okay after the car accident, that must have been pretty scary! :/ as mitri said you can survive anything! :)

    and i am so so sorry that you are going through a rough time with D :/ i hope things start to get better, couples always fight and sometimes that is a "good" sign that it is a genuine relationship and you both feel comfortable to express your emotions around each other idk...? hmmm... but you deserve the best lovie, and i only wish 2010 to be the greatest year of Tori's life!

    love you
    xx
    Eliza

    ps: that brekkie looks beyonddd amazingly good coconut + pb + banana = yummmmm times like 10000 ;)

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  5. I'm sorry you're having problems with the boy, it sounds like you've been having a lot of problems with him lately. I don't know any great advice, but just wanted to say I'm sorry.

    Odd that this comes second, but thank God you're all right, driving in bad weather is the worst part of winter in New England (had a rough night with snow myself, actually, much swearing at Mother Nature and my city's shite plowing ensued). That's the scariest but I'm so happy that you and your car are all right.

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  6. omg that is so scary about your accident! so glad you are ok, what a close one! your friend sounds like a keeper, i hope that he will return safely (and soon!) from iraq. ahh, problems with D sound so complicated, i hope you can work things out in a way that is healthiest for you.

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  7. i'm so sorry to hear about your car accident but i am very relieved to hear you're okay.
    still wishing you a happy new year tori!
    xoxo

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  8. I have just read your entire blog from start to finish and I can honestly say that your blog is the most inspirational thing I have ever read.

    I have also lost a lot of weight and until recently wasn't trying to put any on. But after reading about you and what you've been through and also how it could be affect family emotionally, I have started to commit to gaining weight.
    I know I sound a bit vain, but another motivation is wanting to fit back into my favourite pair of jeans again!

    Thank you so much for this blog - you have gained a devoted fan and reader.

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  9. Sorry to hear you're having difficult things to handle, lots of strength for you...Glad to hear you're OK after that accident!

    And a bit late, but wanna wish you a wonderful, healthy and truly happy 2010!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

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  10. Ooh...and hope you feel better soon, saw you're not feeling well, hang in there girl! xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

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