Friday, February 19, 2010

Hey hey hey.

So! After my little blow out the other day, things have gotten infinitely better. I cannot thank all of you lovies enough. I know I haven't been the best of bloggers lately, and I am really, really grateful that none of you wonderful people have held that against me. I truly appreciate every word and you guys never fail to make me smile when I'm down.

On the upshot, here is proof that my lack of posting isn't for naught:

Hell yeah! I made Dean's List this past semester. I'm kind of stoked. Or maybe a lot. But if I can keep this up, I *might* be able to get a scholarship to a 4-year college and go somewhere other than SCSU. Not that Southern's a bad school, but I'd really like to go somewhere that's more than 2-3 towns north....

I spent 3 hours yesterday tearing up tiny bits of painted paper to make a 18"X24" still life in drawing class. When my teacher was walking around the class, she stopped to look at mine and said "Wow, that's amazing Victoria." And in our last class, she declared my ink drawing to be "by far, the most complex and intricately done sketch in the class." I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bragging. I'm just really excited to finally be getting positive feedback on my work. The first few weeks people barely even spoke to me and I didn't feel very confident being there. But I'm trying to talk more often in class and I'm beginning to feel less inferior. Does anyone else ever feel like they have a hard time socializing? I do in school at times. I think its because of how much school I missed due to the ED. I'm entirely aware of the fact that save a few random kids who got held back or didn't pass enough courses, I'm one of the oldest people in the room in a freshman class. Several kids have said that they thought I was 18-19. I'm 21, turning 22. So I did definitely feel slightly out of place, like it was written on my forehead that I was three years behind in where I "should" be for a college student. But you know what? One of the guys in my drawing class said, "I will graduate when its time for me to graduate. There is no real specific age for that anymore." And you know what? He's right. I had planned my life out when I was 17. I was going to move to NY. Graduate from Pratt in 2010. Go on for my masters, get my teaching degree. Find a job in the city and so forth. Ain't none of that happened. And while I've fallen apart many times through the past four years, I'm doing alright. And that's the part that matters. It doesn't matter where you are, just how you got there, and how you're making the most of it.

I can tell you one thing for sure. I may not have good days always, but at the end of the week, I'm still happier than I've been in at least 5 years. And in speaking of making the most of things, here's how we do it when Tori has hit the bottom of the box of cereal and the last tablespoon of PB and has to go grocery shopping before work today:

Plain yogurt, about 1/3 of a cup oats and some soymilk all soaked together with sliced banana, dried mission figs, walnuts, almonds and PB. Plus a drizzle of honey and a cup of coffee with Vanilla Caramel creamer (love this stuff!). This is definitely a kitchen sink breakfast, but hey! Nothin wrong with that.

Tonight is the boy's friend's birthday. Soooo I'll be gettin my drank on after work. Should be good times. I hope everyone has a great weekend!


  1. This is so great- It's true life isn't always happy-clappy but if we can get to the stage of being content and at peace with ourselves than things are infinitely better.
    Who cares how old you are at college, this is the time that's right for you and it shouldn't matter, especially when now you're doing so well academically! I find socialising quite tough sometimes, it just feels a little alien and as if I like being on my own but I do push myself to do it and it does help things feeling like a part of a community even if it feels unnatural at first..
    That kitchen sink brekkie looks fabulous:)
    Keep smiling,

  2. Tori! that is so amazing! about the Deans list! i am so proud and u should be too about all that u have accomplished and all the positive fed backs! Brag brag all u wnat, u are so entitle! i would too ;) u are so talented, so smart, amazing and beautiful! u ahve every reason to brag/be proud :)
    i too had the thought that by now i'd be doing x and things just don't turn out the way we thought , before ED, or before our AN. got so fully blown/took away so much time. But i truly believe everything happens for a reason, This is ur journey and life is leading u in the direction it was meant to be! Hey, i am gonna be a 20 year old freshman in the fall.And i dont want to prolong my academic career or my opportunities in life any farther....and i have been thinking about that, and all the set backs.but whatever it should not matter--> "It doesn't matter where you are, just how you got there, and how you're making the most of it. " --so so so amaze. wow. i love u. and ur so inspiring! i can not wait to see where the world takes u! u are going to go so far, i have not a single doubt in my mind :)

    love u!

  3. you're totally not bragging . it's GREAT to hear positive things and i'm in total awe of you. I love how positive this post is! keep it up :)

  4. Hi

    I have definatly felt less social since my ED kicked in big time this year. I don't know what's wrong with me as I find it hard to get the energy to go out when asked.

    Hopefully I'll get better and I'm sure you will too - it's all in the recovery (which you are doing a lot better at than me by the way!)

    Good Luck! xxx

  5. I don't comment much on blogs but I've read yours for a while! I just wanted to say great job on your academic success!! & I agree your age doesn't matter! You always have a great perspective on things + it's very inspiring. :)

  6. Haha if you call this is bragging, then I must be a total bitch...You're freaking awesome, it's almost unbelievable to see how far you've come :)

    *<3 the oats*

    The PB look like a Hershey kiss :)


  7. CONGRATS, Tori!!! Don't feel shy about it...bragging? Girl, this DEFINITELY gives you bragging rights, if you want to look at it that way:)

    Kitchen sink brekkies <3

  8. wooohoo! go tori! congrats on making the dean's list girl! that is really great news. and i totally understand what you mean about even when you have rotten days you're still happier than years has its ups and downs even when we're doing "well" but we just have to stick with it!

  9. Hi Tori! I just started reading your blog and I'm totally enamored with it, and your story. I too went back to college after a short hiatus (during which I had to go to rehab and get my life back together), and it was difficult being older than the rest of my classmates. I was taking junior level classes when I was 23. But just like you pointed out, there were much older adults in some of my classes as well. And it's like they say, it takes what it takes. So thank you for sharing so much of your life, it's truly inspiring!