Monday, April 26, 2010

Art Show.

Today, I am submitting three of my pieces to the student art show. I'm SOOO nervous. I'll find out on the 28th if what, if any, of my work has been accepted.

Lightening Storm - Acrylic on canvas.

Eleanor - charcoal

A Boy's Face - charcoal

lets all cross our fingers and hope I get at least one of these pieces accepted.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


Things to do in the next two weeks:

Tonight: work 3:30 PM til midnight. attempt to work on sociology final paper.
Sunday: work 9AM to 5PM. Hang out with the boy after work.
Monday: Strength training at the gym (I'm building mad muscle!). Work more on paper. Go to class 1-7PM. Best bud's 21st birthday party.
Tuesday: Continue working on paper. Go to class 1-4PM. Work 4:30-10PM.
Wednesday: repeat monday, but sans party and see the boy instead.
Thursday: Repeat Tuesday.
Friday: Go to the gym. Either finish off the sosh paper, or start my final project for drawing. Work 3:30-? Either nine or later.
Saturday: Do whatever it was that I didn't do on friday. Its a day off, so see the boy for sure and we may be gettin tattoos. LOL.
Sunday: work 11-4:30. Do final editing of the sosh paper and figure out what the heck I'm doing for presentation on Wednesday.
Monday: Strength training. Class. Meeting with group to further determine how to accomplish a smooth presentation and get our $$@%# together.
Tuesday: More drawing. Go to class. Work 4:30-10PM.
Wednesday: Strength-training. School. Do the group presentation and hand in my paper. Cross yo fingers for me! Probably see boy that night.
Thursday: School 1-4PM. Party with some of the friends I've made at school. I don't know where it is yet - either the hookah bar or somewhere else but I'm 99% sure I will have to google myself directions to print out .
Friday: Gym again. Further work on my drawing project. Work 4:30-10PM.

Busy much, eh? I also have to wedge in a therapy appointment and a haircut.
Doesn't mean I don't have time eat plenty though ;) And new things too!

I give you! My newest favorite grocery find: Nature's pride Whole Wheat bread. I used to be sworn to Ezekial bread, but the ever increasing price of it was just not for me. Plus, being truthful, I think it was an ED thing - I mainly ate that bread because it had a low sodium count and I was obsessed with that for some time. I have to be honest, and all you Ezekial fans will hate me, but this bread is 100X better. Soft, dense and chewy. Its lovely.
Thus my awesome snack this morning:

Slice o' bread with PB, 5-6 slices of smooshed banana, and cinnamon. Unpictured: rest of the banana and a glass of milk. I invented another version of this that I forgot to take a picture of. But seriously - you all must try a slice (or two...) of bread topped with smashed banana, a few TBS of crushed walnuts and a liberal pinch of cinnamon. Its like instant-banana bread.

And now! I have to go shopping for bras. That's probably an over-share. But I'm kind of excited. So yep. Happy Saturday everyone!

Friday, April 9, 2010


I know I promised a lot of new updates and things in my last post, but there is something more important that I need to talk about today.

It has been a SOLID YEAR since I met my first GW. As of this month, I have maintained a weight over 100lbs for an extended period for the first time since I was 14. This the the longest I have been at a reasonably healthy weight for my height in seven years. I've managed to get my weight up a bit since last April, as I've mentioned shooting for numerous times. But I'm going by the overall. I defied my fear of ever weighing more than that 100. I've maintained that weight and then some and I have been happier ever since, living and loving my life more and more.

This is real. I can't quite believe it. But here I am. One year solid being pretty much weight restored.
I used to think something awful would happen if I weighed more, ate more, than my eating disorder told me was okay. Even after I hit that initial goal of mine - I still wasn't free. I couldn't eat more than XXXX calories and couldn't eat this or that. All of those things are gone now. I don't feel shame about my body - I love the way I look about 90% of the time. My body is still changing (read: I am growing boobs! woo!) but I'm okay with that. I'm still changing inside too. I'm learning to accept and give into my wants and needs, and I'm learning to stop trying to control everything in my life. Shit happens. The apple I ate today was bigger than the one I had yesterday. Two years ago - that would have terrified me. Today - I don't really care. I looked through my journal from when I was in IP in 2008. And I cannot believe that person was me. I won't show you the pictures. but lets just say, I keep them on my ipod. And whenever I get stressed about anything and start to question myself - I look at what, who I used to be and realize that as hard as it was, and as hard as it still is at times, nothing could ever have been more worth it than choosing myself, my life, over anorexia.

I never thought I could get this far, and hold onto it for so long. I tried anyways, because in all honestly, I had nothing left to lose. And eventually, I saw it could be real and I could become more than anorexic, that I could live a life outside of it. And I have been living a life that finally has become mine.

Just because something seems improbable doesn't mean that you don't have the means to make it possible.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter!

Hey hey hey! I hope everyone had a great holiday this weekend. This post is just a quickie before I pass out. But I wanted to make sure no one thought I had disappeared, and I wanted let you all in on a few things that have brightened my weekend! Just because.

~ Fun trip to the grocery store. I picked up some goods that I will be posting about later on this week. Woo! Also. I have a story about my trip there today. Long story short: I have not shopped at the grocery store in my home town in almost a year. I started going to the one in the next town over because it's right next to my job and that's convenient. Today, I went to the grocery store, with my mom, in my home town. People who work in that store STILL recognize me, and remember what I looked like 2 years ago. And I got several of the people there telling me how great I looked, how much happier I seemed and how glad they were to see I was really finally going to be okay.

~Spent a day with Dan. I haven't said much about the boy lately, I know. But I really mean it when I say I love that boy. I've never dated anyone this long before. And I still get excited whenever I think about him or get to see him. He doesn't just make me happy though - he argues with me when I'm being irrational and he refuses to ever let my (albeit now occasional) eating disordered or otherwise self-negative thoughts win. And as much as I sometimes wish he'd just let it go, I am really glad that he challenges me so much and even moreso - challenges me to challenge myself.

~ Here's a big one: I'm getting a new-used-car. My current vehicle is as old as I am and very much showing its wear and tear. Like, I have a hole in one of my passenger doors. And a cracked headlight. And the hood of my car has an over bite. It also doesn't have air bags or proper seat belts. So yes. NEW CAR! My parents offered to help me pay for it now, as long as I pay them back eventually. I'm very excited. I'll post up before/after pics once the new whip is in my possession.

Love you guys!