This week, I will have finished off my first year of school in nearly 6 years without relapse or removal. This feels like a huge accomplishment, for real. I got exempted from my final exam for Sociology for being an awesome student all semester. So my last day of class is tomorrow, final critiques in Drawing. BTW I presented my final for drawing yesterday actually. And I did some awesome work, if I may say so myself. Here's a sneak peak of two of my five drawings:
In case you can't tell, I did a series of drawing from the hidden playground by my house.
This week, I also have faced up to many of my own imperfections. And I am not punishing myself for them. Me and the boy have had a few arguments. Mainly due to my ED and the remnants of ED's voice that are still in my head. I am very critical of myself and I have a hard time not taking some of his "jokes" offensively. I was wearing sweats the other day, and he told me I looked lazy. I got upset and pretty much curled up into a ball and didn't make eye contact with him for a good half an hour.
One good thing did come from the conversation. I've been really stressed at the prospect of having to buy new jeans. I have ONE pair right now, because my other two were ripped and old and no longer looked "right" when I put them on - if that makes sense? For whatever reason, probably from being worn so much, they no longer fit right and looked frumpy on me. So I gave them to Goodwill. But I had an immense fear that when I eventually got around to buying a new pair of jeans or two - I'd have to go up a size since I have put on a few more pounds in the past 6 months or so. Boy said to me - "That is a GOOD thing. It means you're recovering for real this time. You are 5'8", you shouldn't be wearing size 0, or even one size up from that. Wearing a 2 at your height is still crazy small. Its really not that big of a deal. No girl should wear a size 0 unless she's 15 and 5' tall."
This really struck me. My ED had me convinced for years that 0 was the only size I could wear. I don't know why. It was just an obsession with that number that indicated I didn't take up space. So I am now determined to buy the next size up, and gain until those fit properly.
In other news, I have found out that I LOVE bagels. I've not had one since being inpatient. But I bought a package of whole wheat bagels on a whim - they're 260 calories per bagel, and were $2.50 for a pack of 6 at my work. That's like, 40 cents a bagel! Heck yeah. And they are delish. My favorite combination thus far has been toasting a bagel, spreading it with copious amounts of peanut butter, sprinkling it with cinnamon, then drizzling it in honey. And then popping it back in the microwave for a few seconds of course.
I still can't eat dairy without feeling all bloaty and gassy and uncomfortable for hours, or even into the next day. So I don't really know what's going on there. What I do know is I have a stash of Greek yogurt in the fridge that I keep trying to polish off but whenever I have one, it has serious repercussions. Sigh. It makes me sad. I can have one about once a week without harm, but if I try to eat dairy more often than that, I feel awful. Hopefully I can coax my mother to try one or two....^.^
Today, my mom and I are going SHOPPING because I have my one final for Color Theory til 3PM, when she gets out of work. And since boy made plans with his friends, I'm gonna be rockin the mall with my momma. Should be fun, hopefully. Its rainy and ucky out. And since my hair is cuuuhrazzy now because I still haven't cut it so it's big, fluffy and all over the place, I have it pulled back into a half-pony tail.
Why hello 15 year old me! Aren't you cute? Must be since a customer actually made it a point to come back into the store after checking out last night to give me his number and request I call him sometime. LOL. I am kind of beginning to understand why Dan gets kind of jealous and over protective at times...
Well. I'm off to seize the day. Hope everyone is enjoying their Wednesday!
The Ebb and Flow
2 months ago