Friday, July 16, 2010


I have a little story for you girls.
Most of the bloggers I know are under the age 26, and live with parents/they themselves have jobs or other situations that provide them with insurance.
But what happens when that situation changes? What happens, when say your father retires and your mother loses her job? And you only work part-time so you aren't eligible for any sort of insurance plan?
Well then my dears, one is left to their own devices.
As an eating disordered person, even after a full YEAR of being recovered - this is still very difficult to do.
After spending an hour on the phone, recounting past health issues and places you've been due to your eating disorder, you will then be asked to wait 7-10 business days while the process your request.

You wait. You wonder. You think about how stupid you were when you were younger - to never realize how hard life after anorexia would be. Its funny. The past that you tried to escape will never leave you, both in your mind and in the paper trail that is the world we know. You can't just move on. You have to be honest in a situation like this, even though you know everything would be so much easier if you did. So you're honest. About everything. From your current height and weight, to the lowest and all years before.
You sit and you wait and you wonder if you had fibbed, even just a little - would it have made a difference?
You get the envelope. Its thin. You say to your mom "I didn't accepted." She looks at you, and says "But you haven't even opened it yet." "Its thin. With colleges, that means you didn't get in."

Still, you tear the letter open and read the standard font.
You have been denied insurance coverage for the following reasons:
You have been diagnosed with minor Osteoporosis and are Taking an OTC Calcium Supplement
You have been diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa and were hospitalized in 3/05(not even the right month BTW), 2/08 and 4/08 (I was DISCHARGED in 4/08)
and you currently see a therapist once monthly.
Your height and weight shows you have a BMI of 17 (17.5 to be correct) and that is mildly underweight.

This is another reason why full recovery is so important, and why it is 100X better to get it done with as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the longer the trail and the more red flags to raise when you go out into the real world, and try to take care of yourself. Even after two years since I began my recovery, I'm still seen as an unstable individual by the standards, even after I did it all by myself. I still tried and failed several times before hand. And in certain circles, that's all that they can see.

What really grates me (and I don't care if I get flak for this) are the followng things:
I am being penalized for preventive measures.
I am being penalized for a fucking vitamin that I pay for myself.
I am being penalized for something beyond my control. The fact that had I been that .5 of a point OVER what was considered healthy, they wouldn't have denied me if I had said that I had spent 2 years dieting to LOSE weight. They'd have commended me on my progress and seen it as a sign of good faith, even if I was still a bit over a healthy weight. But because I'm just that tiny bit under, even with the amount of food I eat each day, and how much progress I've made, I'm considered "not yet recovered" because of one flipping half a point.

I'm going to go eat a muffin and think about how I'm going to fix this.


  1. i'm sorry. the world has a lot of problems. i wish it didn't hurt you- hurt us- but wishing isn't enough. i'm sorry.

  2. That's ridiculous. Of course they have there justifiable reasons but it does seem VERY unfair indeed!! Don't let it distract you from how well you have done, and are still doing and don't see it as a negetive..see it as a positive to keep up the goodwork, and not be stereotyped.

    Last year, our holiday insurance went up by almost £300 due to my anorexia! It was such a joke!!!!

    Hope ya enjyoed your muffin! xx

  3. Sadly, health insurance is no farther ahead since the day Obama signed his little bill. Shocker. (I don't mean to offend your political sensibilities, if I am--this bill just didn't do anything for the people who really need help.)

    I'm truly sorry for your situation. I hope that a new job can find your mother as soon as possible--for all of you.

  4. dont even get me started on my frustratinos with insurance companies.

    however, this was a remarkably inspiring post for me, bc it shows how even under the most stressful situations you are able to take care of yourself.

    enjoy that muffin-- eat it with pride!

  5. unfreakinbelievable.....actually it is for ED in the US is ridiculous....yet they will cover obesity clinics for unlimited amts of time?!? wtf

  6. omg... that totally sucks... :( I never even considered that issue before... x0x0 - Tia

  7. it is so wrong, Tori. Beyond unfair, to be penalized for that arbitrary number that says nothing about how far you've come.

    i do have insurance, limited as it is, though whenever I went on medical leave from school for treatment I lost my insurance coverage, ironically.

    but in the bigger picture, i see that it's more than just how shitty insurance is. It's also about how anorexia is still affecting your life today, and it's something we don't think about when we're in the midst of it. it seems like once the magic of recovery happens, all will be well and happy, when that's not even close to the truth. in some ways life is even harder because you can't just numb it out and absorb yourself in ED.

  8. That seem so unfair, that they can refuse insurance to the people who probably need it the most. I've alot of respect for you for telling the truth and hope something comes through soon! x

  9. It is a shame this country has such a broken system--denying coverage to those that need it most, and to those most aware and conscientious about their health. Tori, you are one of the strongest people I know. You've pulled yourself from the darkest situations and restored light in your life. It's remarkable--a true inspiration to all of those that know of you and your story. You will get through this.

  10. Sorry your going through this, I know how you feel. I was diagnoised with anorexia when I was living on my own and had NO health insurance. I still get sick thinking about some of my bills. anyway, I know have health insurance but guess what? They wont cover any existing illness. WONDER-f*cking-FULL!!!!! arghhh.. Sorry the state of health insurance in this country makes me so mad. You are right though, it is a reason to get better and stay better.. I hope you get it figured out. Your not alone though, so many people have issues with insurance..Its terrible :(

    Dana xo

  11. i was having a conversation with my co-worker the other day about this.. my job's insurance COVERS high blood pressure and diabetes meds. FULLY. Plus you can go to a nutrionist 4 times a year FULLY covered if you are on HBP or diabetes meds. ok, so if im overweight im good? im covered for those expensive meds??
    but not if im on the opposite side, and struggle to get enough calories in? or need to take anxiety meds because of a mental disorder? i dont understand it! my pastor asked me last week if i sought counseling of any kind for my relapse into disordered eating and restricting, i had to say no, they make you pay full price, out of pocket for mental health issues.. its crazy.. i would get even more anxious if i had to pay 300 bucks an hour to chat with someone about all my anxiousness!

    good luck girl.. i really really hope you can get some kind of insurance!!!

  12. I hope it works out, Tori. I don't think you've worked so hard to come this far, only to be tripped up by lousy insurance! Praying for you, lovie. YOU ARE AMAZING.


  13. I am so sorry! I truly am speechless and shocked (yet not surprised with health care being what it is). I believe with certainty, that things will work out. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. , I wish I could do more!

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  17. I am so sorry Tori. But you must have faith that things that are meant to happen will. I know how hard it can be, when something seems like it is just perfect and doesn't work out. But I know things will work out for you.

    Praying for you,